[todfox]

Sexual loneliness and frustration is strange to me. I accept that it is real and painful for many people. But I just don't understand how the desire for sex drives people to take risks with their health and safety, or how the lack of it causes despair or violence.

What is the big deal about sex anyway? Why do some guys go crazy if they can't have sexual intimacy? A lot of time and effort for what, ten minutes of pleasure? But a deep (non-sexual) friendship can last all your life.

I don't think we should restructure society and become more traditional and conservative (whether de jure or de facto) just to cater to the very few who may become violent when they can't get laid. I think the not getting laid part is just an excuse. Prior to the sexual revolution, when people married young and divorce was rare, violence inside marriages was very common.

Overall I think I'm lucky that I'm asexual. There is a whole class of problems that I have never had to think about. I have no desire to exercise power over others or to allow them to exercise power over me.

[clint]

Many boys spend nearly their entire first 18 years of their lives stewing in an extremely toxic media/community/family ecosystem where sexual virility and your ability to have sex with women is _directly_ correlated with status and success in life. Similarly, your in-abililty to attract members of the opposite sex is _directly_ correlated with your status as a loser and station in life.

[todfox]

Why do humans have to seek status? Wouldn't we all be happier and healthier if we stopped caring about where we are in the social pecking order?

[medvezhenok]

Short answer: because we're genetically programmed to care about it. And no amount of reasoning or handwaving or logical thought will change what the genes encode.

Sensitivity to status exists in all primates - not just humans. It's one of the most basic instincts of an animal.

We are just vessels for the reproduction of our genetic code (although we believe in our own free will). Status is directly linked to the probability of the genes reproducing, ergo short of some weird chemical drugs, we will never be able to ignore it.

[antisthenes]

Because status lets you procreate and have offspring. See any mammalian group organization.

[rngname22]

Replace all the references to sex with food/hunger in your statements - "What is the big deal about food anyway? Why do some guys go crazy if they can't eat? A lot of time and effort for what, ten minutes of deliciousness?" I think perhaps it will make sense?

The reason libido is referred to as a 'biological drive' (definition: "an innate motivational state produced by depletion or deprivation of a needed substance (e.g., water, oxygen) in order to impel behavior that will restore physiological equilibrium.) is that it's a biological "need". Quotes because while you obviously don't need it to survive, the brain feels the same way for some people that it does when you "need" food.

[seydor]

it s not a need though, nobody died from celibacy. there are thousands of men who choose to become monks etc forgoing sexual pleasure. it is a drive, but not a need

[rngname22]

I'll just repost the relevant part of my comment:

"Quotes because while you obviously don't need it to survive, the brain feels the same way for some people that it does when you "need" food."

[Manuel_D]

When viewed through a biological lens, celibacy guarantees you'll never pass on your genes. A 50/50 chance of getting laid or dying is evolutionarily a better choice than a life of celibacy.

[seydor]

> the desire for sex drives people to take risks with their health and safety, or how the lack of it causes despair or violence.

They don't . There are scores of men who are lonely. You only hear about a tiny few vocal cases which are not even statistically significant. Men are much more likely to commit violence in general regardless of sexual frustration. But it's easy for psychopaths to attribute their violent behavior to anything