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First, ask yourself this: why do you need a diagnosis? Is it, so you can give a name to what is happening to you? A label, maybe? Or is it, because once we name things, we can treat them? A diagnosis of autism is not an easy task. Opposite to what the Internet might make you believe, it's not a matter of "listening carefully" or so, it's a multi-hour, multi-day, set of diagnostic tasks, that take time and energy. At the end of this journey, you'll have a label for what you are experiencing (or not). And then? I tell my patients, that a label makes three things easier: medical billing, provider communication, and (in rare cases) medical intervention. The rest is, diagnosis or not, pretty much the same. We define as clinically/psychologically relevant all those mental states that a) lead to a noticeable reduction in the person's ability to enjoy and function in life, and b) can not be addressed by the person reporting them without help. So that brings the second question: what do you need help with to address your mental state? Is it simply acceptance? Only the individuals involved can give you that. And while "I am autistic" works on 4chan as an excuse for all kinds of behaviors, in real life it generally doesn't. Or is it to change things? Only you can do that. There is no working therapeutic medication for autism, and therapy generally aims at improving your journey into overcoming the facets that are detrimental to your daily life. Another thing I tell my patients is that social interaction and coping are skills that are learned. To some people, most in fact, those learnings come easier than to others. I am short, below the US average, and I run ultra marathons. I have a marked disadvantage compared to 6ft lunks, simply due to stride, which meant it took more energy and time to develop this skill. On the other hand, I cope well and quickly, seem to have a rather accepting attitude towards others and life, and am good at social interactions. Those skills were much easier to learn for me. You might be taller than me, able to learn long distance running faster, while having a harder time honing your social and coping skills. Autism is such a barrier to skill development. It's hard to develop people skills, if the headspace isn't there. But it's possible. You're a coder, view it as a hard code problem. Approach it, broken down into smaller tasks. Same for your daughter: it's not easy for any new, especially first, parent to empathize with their kid's outbursts and odd behaviors. Some people have it easier, some don't. That's a reason to work harder, not an excuse. If you need a diagnosis, a certified mental health professional can help. But just like without, once you have the diagnosis the next steps are the same: go the hard mile to develop skills you need. |