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by labrador
1239 days ago
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I'm 65 now, but I had all your symptoms except fear of talking to strangers, but they are gone now. You don't say what you do to support your family but I was a computer programmer in my 30's and I was in way over my head. Without any training and being a completely self-taught programmer I ended up being in charge of a large computer program for a company. When I look back on why I was mentally not there when my kids were little it was because I was completely over-whelmed. I did a good job, but I was at my limits and no room for wife or children mentally. I felt dissociated from the people around me. I was always thinking about a computer programming problem. I wasn't aware that it was so bad until my wife asked me to leave after repeatedly telling me I needed to change. I didn't know what she was talking about. I wasn't "present" for her or the kids. I couldn't do it all. The problems are gone because I don't program anymore, I did therapy and take depression medication. I've learned how to be in the present moment without dread or fear. I say this because you didn't mention external stressors so maybe you aren't conscious of them like I wasn't. |
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I am self-employed and have my own cloud app.
I currently work only 3 days a week and am there for my daughter two days.
—— That sounds sad and I hope you are feeling better today. I have had different experiences so far. My wife knows my condition and we are happy so far. I had directly taken time for my child. That was important to me.
I also program. But I am more often theoretically on the road. This fits quite well to pass the time when the child is sleeping. Reading is easier than programming :)
10 years ago I would have agreed with you. I was employed and not happy with the situation. Being self-employed has helped me.
I am also self-taught as I don't do well in schools and universities.
I will remember to spend enough time with my family. Thank you.