[Waterluvian]

There are some people that are so divergent from understanding and being able to perform or at least emulate normal social behaviour that they become harmful and problematic. I watched one, quite closely, develop through high school. I can still hear his smug “nah” any time you said something he didn’t agree with. Well, not “agree with” but “that he knew to be universally correct.”

Ultimately he ended up unemployable and bitter while his family tripled down on him being the victim because of an Asperger’s diagnosis. Moved to central Canada last time I heard.

I think what I learned from the experience is at some point you’ve got to compartmentalize harmful people from your groups and inevitably a growing number of segments of society, even if that feels wrong in some way. It’s more wrong to let them perpetually abuse people.

Edit: I’m not going to litigate this. If you don’t trust me or don’t want to accept that this person was truly abusive and harmful, or if you believe that victims should be made to tolerate abuse, I can’t help you.

[seanmcdirmid]

> Asperger’s diagnosis

This a real thing, mild forms are socially inhibiting, extreme forms can mean social skills are completely crippled.

I feel sorry for these people (although I’m probably in the mild category), but I’m not sure what we could do to help without getting hurt ourselves?

I just hope my kid is normal socially with a good sense of empathy.

[Waterluvian]

It’s truly heartbreaking. The guy was one of my closest friends because we had a ton of hobbies in common. I loved when he would target fixate on some problem and his basement would turn into a mad scientist workshop. I remember him as “the person who would see through a ridiculous idea.”

But the abusive parts got worse and worse and became intolerable. I’m not sure what could have been done differently. Though as a teenager that was probably not my role to play.

[seanmcdirmid]

It wouldn’t be reasonable for a teenager or even an adult to martyr themselves over that. I wouldn’t blame anyone really, though I guess we all have to overcome the cards we are dealt somehow?

[tomjen3]

>I think what I learned from the experience is at some point you’ve got to compartmentalize harmful people from your groups and inevitably a growing number of segments of society, even if that feels wrong in some way. It’s more wrong to let them perpetually abuse people.

You need to ban abusive people at the first possible time (after you have established that they are abusive and not, e.g just ESL who learned from an old TV show/book). The more moderation a community has, the better the community will be.

If somebody has Asbergers and can't adjust, ban them too. The why doesn't matter (unless it is easily correctable), the how does.

[aidenn0]

We had something like that go down between two of our children; we had to tell the one who got the worst of it "if the only way to feel safe is to never be in the same room as them again, that's okay"

Forgiveness is one thing, but deliberately putting yourself in position to be victimized again is another.

[beaker52]

For some people, emulating “normal” social behaviour can be taxing on many levels and perhaps “normal” seems extremely odd to them.

I’d sleep on the idea of ostracising people with social issues because it can hasten a downward spiral.

In a lot of cases, people who don’t fit in are looking for love they don’t receive. Speaking from experience, if you can offer them that love in spite of challenging behaviour, you could be the key to them developing positive relationships that serve as models of how they can effectively fit in.

If you can muster the energy, instead of pushing these people away, as hard as it may seem, try drawing them closer - it’s not an exaggeration to say that you might be saving someone’s life.

[serf]

>I think what I learned from the experience is at some point you’ve got to compartmentalize harmful people from your groups and inevitably a growing number of segments of society, even if that feels wrong in some way. It’s more wrong to let them perpetually abuse people.

this strikes me as similar to the concept of being for life imprisonment over the spending of resources towards rehabilitation.

To throw people to the wayside because YOU have determined them to be 'UN-fixable' IS wrong. It's useful for YOU to compartmentalize them out of your life because they represent a personal burden -- but this doesn't help them improve themselves or their conditions; it may not be your responsibility to help them improve -- but many of these people are hopeless without outsider intervention, they need help, not partitioning. If you can't help them then the next best thing is to make an effort to find them help, not to shut the door in their face.

>It’s more wrong to let them perpetually abuse people

what do you think happens when you make yourself lost contact with these people? Well, having been 'compartmentalized' earlier in life and never receiving any help or social training, they continue to perpetually abuse other people.

Ironically the strategy of isolating them from oneself likely increases or prolongs their time 'out of step' with society -- all it does is protects YOU from the damage the person might do.

All I can say is that i'm glad the entire world doesn't take your advice of 'compartmentalizing harmful people', otherwise this place would be a pretty brutal world to live in.

[Blackthorn]

> what do you think happens when you make yourself lost contact with these people? Well, having been 'compartmentalized' earlier in life and never receiving any help or social training, they continue to perpetually abuse other people.

It's really not his or her job to fix abusers.

[serf]

>It's really not his or her job to fix abusers.

most societies believe that each individual must contribute to some degree. It's being lost, but for most societies historically the mentally ill were the burden of the immediate family.

Now we see the effects of the mental illness affecting society-at-large, it stands to reason that the entirety of the affected population is now somewhat responsible for making their own lives better by trying to assess and remediate the problems within their society.

If I walked past litter on the ground in my home-town, I wouldn't say "Hey, not my job." and walk past it, I would pick it up for the betterment of my town.

This isn't a foreign concept for most people.

[aidenn0]

> If I walked past litter on the ground in my home-town, I wouldn't say "Hey, not my job." and walk past it, I would pick it up for the betterment of my town.

If for 3 years I am constantly picking up litter as fast as other residents throw it on the ground, at what point to I just move to as different town where people litter less?

[pwdisswordfish9]

That depends on how selfish you are.

[Blackthorn]

> If I walked past litter on the ground in my home-town, I wouldn't say "Hey, not my job." and walk past it, I would pick it up for the betterment of my town.

This is this and that is that. Litter won't stab you, whereas I've had a friend get stabbed by a mentally ill person who asked for their restaurant leftovers, and were given them, only to then do just that. (Which is a bit different than what the OP is talking about, but you mentioned mental illness in society in general, so it seems fair to bring it up.)

[yencabulator]

> most societies believe that each individual must contribute to some degree

That sounds like tax money to be used for mental health services.

[aidenn0]

If someone slaps you in the face every time you meet them, how many times are you obligated to correct them before you decide you don't want to be slapped in the face anymore?

[hhjinks]

>this strikes me as similar to the concept of being for life imprisonment over the spending of resources towards rehabilitation.

Even societies "without" life imprisonment have legal ways of putting people away for life if they're deemed too incompatible with society. Take Norway; longest sentence is 21 years, but for especially vile crimes, that sentence can be extended at the end of the 21 years if the convict is found to not have been rehabilitated.

[emsign]

Wise comment.