[sillysaurusx]

> The one piece of advice that has helped me is the thinking that "I'm not the first one to ever go through this, and I won't be the last." No matter if you're fucked in the head, going bankrupt, getting divorced - whatever - you aren't alone and you can either find a solution or find acceptance.

That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death."

Maybe my response seems flippant, but it's the core reason I was never able to internalize platitudes. There doesn't seem to be any nuanced or precise advice.

Interestingly, one of the most effective for me was dang's: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13110096

He probably didn't mean it as philosophical advice, but when I read it, I burst out laughing and never really stopped. When things get tough, I just shrug and try to embrace it. After all, things can always get worse.

If you take an attitude of "I wonder how bad things can get?" then you tend to discover that there's an upper bound on most forms of badness, which did make me feel better.

E.g. it's hard to imagine a shot at the dentist getting much worse than the worst pain you've ever experienced in your life. So if you've already felt something worse, you can calibrate your temporary expectations and snap yourself out of fear loops.

A shot at the dentist isn't so bad, but mental loops can be. So if you're in an anxiety spiral, compare it to the worst emotional distress you've ever felt, and see if it's worse. If it's worse, switch to physical pain. I'm able to stay in a good mood when I'm nauseous thanks to having had one of the worst illnesses I've ever had, a few months ago. Headaches and queasiness feels small in comparison.

[jvanderbot]

> That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death."

This may come as a surprise, but we should be able to face death calmly as well, knowing full well it affects everyone in due time.

It is more reliable than any other situation such as divorce, psychotic breakdown, sickness, loss of loved one....

I can't imagine being calm facing death, but I don't see is as a contradiction to say we can face divorce and death calmly and with equanimity knowing others have and will go through it.

[sillysaurusx]

Unfortunately, if one allows oneself to believe that too much, it's mental permission to commit suicide. After all, committing suicide is just as much a valid task as anything else, like writing a book or making a chair. It's an extremely hard one, too. But since others have and will go through it, as you say, it becomes that much easier. Especially when you're resolved to face it calmly and equanimously.

[MonsieurMoony]

That's quite an interpretation.

I suppose "memento mori" can be argued in the worst sense as leading to nihilism. However, it'd be impossible to say anything of substance if we were constantly trying to avoid any worst-case interpretations. Most reasonable people can surely understand there's a difference between the colloquial usage of death versus suicide.

[sillysaurusx]

It’s not a worst case interpretation. It’s a relief to go.

I think it’s not possible to understand unless you know the feeling. You’re right that most people don’t. But many do: Robin Williams, David Foster Wallace, Aaron Swartz.

I don’t claim to speak for them, but if any of them used it as an escape — which seems somewhat likely - then they’re examples that the logic can be turned against someone strong, using their strength against them by encouraging them to accept the inevitability with composure.

You’ll have to take my word that there are many more of us than those famous examples, though.

[MonsieurMoony]

It's risky to presume that most people are unfamiliar with the feeling.

About 3.8% of the world population, or about 300 million people are affected by depression (WHO 2021). It seems safe to assume that (1) the true figure is under-reported and (2) those affected are connected to others who can also deeply relate in some way.

Personally, I know all too what what that feeling is like. The solution for me was finding people who could speak truth with love, and just time. Knowing that we're all in the same boat gives me more -- not less -- reason to make the ride count.

[jvanderbot]

I disagree 100%.

Nobody would say that someone who is weathering the death of a loved one would have in fact been OK killing that person, or even secretly wished for their death.

It's no different with self. You can want to live, and still accept the finitude of life.

It's supposed to make life sweeter when you accept completely that it may end at any moment.

[webnrrd2k]

There are a lot of other benefits to the attitude of: "I'm not the first one to ever go through this, and I won't be the last."

It's a great way to put things into perspective. It also helps relieve some psychological presure. It also doesn't require buying into any supernatural belief systems. This is a big plus if you're not inclined towards supernatural explanations.

I think that the biggest benefit is that this attitude helps make people more compassionate towards others. And it naturally becomes more general if you work at it a bit... If you're not to only one to go through whatever difficult situation in particular, maybe others have gone through the same thing. Maybe other people have gone through similar stuff, too. After a while it becomes easier to extend that out to seeing that people suffer in ways that I can't quite understand right now. And it starts from the understanding that I'm not alone going through this, whatever it is. I becomes easier to see that people deserve understanding, or compassion, or even some actual help.

Helping others in need can become a deeply rewarding aspect of your life. It might not fix things, it won't cure a serious depression or whetever. But it can make thing a lot better for you and others.

Also, I thr to keep in mind that no one is in prison, no one has cancer, no one is dead. The situation might have some real negative potential, and is worth addressing, and it's also, in some sense, workable. There are real problems that can be addressed, and fixed in real life. Start small and work towards a solution, for youself and others.