What an odd article, also the whole paragraph about the update having been scanned for malware and is stored on secure computers, isn't that just boilerplate for all downloads?
The Register is a British tech site that's known for its sarcastic, often informal manner of writing. They're probably including all that specifically because it's so weird that Microsoft even said that.
It would be a bit like a man with a Russian accent offering you tea and finishing with, "and there's no polonium in it."
It would be a bit like a man with a Russian accent offering you tea and finishing with, "and there's no polonium in it."