As a very language affine person with a MA in fine arts I don't agree with the step where the inability to put your inner workings into words equate a lack of self understanding.
The true great art in any field other than poetry and literature lives from the fact that language cannot express everything in just words. You can of course explain or describe everything with language, but unless you are truly a great writer everything that is essential about your experience will be lost on the way to the receiver. And some things are not expressable in language at all (e.g. it takes music, film, a painting or other expressions to get there).
Example: When we talk about a lonely old person that died recently and I would perfectly describe their inner workings, their thoughts and feelings to you in a empathic way, nothing would prepare you for the unique feeling you would get when you'd just pace through their now empty flat and wittness the way they decorated it. The materials, the objects, the traces they left would tell you another story, one they could never express with words and all of that would strike a different chord within you, maybe one you didn't even know existed.
That being said, as someone with a pretty good self understanding who grew up in a rural space at and during the dawn of the internet: loneliness to me never was about a lack of self-understanding, it was about living in an environment that did not have the capacity to receive the expression I had in a y way that was meaningful to me. I understood myself perfectly well, the people around me were just too dull, without ambitions and with so simple images of the world that what I had to say would just confuse them, make them angry or make them shrug. Sure — like every rural person you learn pretty quickly to dumb it down just enough to make them feel comfortable, but that makes you even lonelier, because you are deeply aware that the dumbed down version is not you anymore.
So sure, there is a link between being lonely and your ability to express yourself in a way that connects you with the people around you. But there is one additional, but crucial point: it needs to connect you to the people around you in ways that are meaningful to yourself, otherwise it will leave you empty and drained.
Moving away was the best thing I ever did for myself.
Wow, beautiful writing. You know how to use words well.
Your second last sentence “it needs to connect you to the people around you in ways that are meaningful to yourself, otherwise it will leave you empty and drained” is in my opinion a key point on this debate on longlines/communication.
As with anything in live communication, relationship, friendship needs to be a two ways street otherwise it won’t be of true value for either side or won’t work in the long run.
> Wow, beautiful writing. You know how to use words well.
Thank you for the compliment, I am trying to improve my English continuously.
> As with anything in live communication, relationship, friendship needs to be a two ways street otherwise it won’t be of true value for either side or won’t work in the long run.
I think so too, although true value can take odd or unexpected shapes at times. Being open towards your own expectations is important.
I don't really agree that being able to effectively explain yourself to others is either necessary or sufficient to cure loneliness. Take my relationship with my kids, for example. I don't feel lonely when I am with them, and I would not say our relationship is predicated on me being to explain myself to them or their understanding me.
Being able to explain/express yourself is a nice skill to have, and it may help certain people who are struggling to maintain relationships, though.
I agree. "I'd have close relationships (and not feel lonely) if I could simply, accurately explain myself."<-- seems sus.
Not all people who are lonely are misunderstood. Perhaps others understand the person, but don't agree with their actions/thoughts/etc, so they isolate themselves from the person. Being misunderstood could contribute to loneliness, but it isn't the sole cause someone would be lonely.
The true great art in any field other than poetry and literature lives from the fact that language cannot express everything in just words. You can of course explain or describe everything with language, but unless you are truly a great writer everything that is essential about your experience will be lost on the way to the receiver. And some things are not expressable in language at all (e.g. it takes music, film, a painting or other expressions to get there).
Example: When we talk about a lonely old person that died recently and I would perfectly describe their inner workings, their thoughts and feelings to you in a empathic way, nothing would prepare you for the unique feeling you would get when you'd just pace through their now empty flat and wittness the way they decorated it. The materials, the objects, the traces they left would tell you another story, one they could never express with words and all of that would strike a different chord within you, maybe one you didn't even know existed.
That being said, as someone with a pretty good self understanding who grew up in a rural space at and during the dawn of the internet: loneliness to me never was about a lack of self-understanding, it was about living in an environment that did not have the capacity to receive the expression I had in a y way that was meaningful to me. I understood myself perfectly well, the people around me were just too dull, without ambitions and with so simple images of the world that what I had to say would just confuse them, make them angry or make them shrug. Sure — like every rural person you learn pretty quickly to dumb it down just enough to make them feel comfortable, but that makes you even lonelier, because you are deeply aware that the dumbed down version is not you anymore.
So sure, there is a link between being lonely and your ability to express yourself in a way that connects you with the people around you. But there is one additional, but crucial point: it needs to connect you to the people around you in ways that are meaningful to yourself, otherwise it will leave you empty and drained.
Moving away was the best thing I ever did for myself.