[PragmaticPulp]

> Having done online dating for years, this rings so true. Some people online talk about the success stories but rarely do they acknowledge the absolute slog that can happen for a huge portion of people

I’ve seen the opposite of this: Online spaces are full of consensus stories about how dating is hard, dating is terrible, dating is miserable, and that it’s nearly impossible to find anyone.

Many of my (completely average looking) friends have found success in online dating, but they’re not broadcasting it to the world. They also avoid talking about it with people who are struggling with online dating because those people don’t want to hear about other people doing well.

Among my friends who are struggling with online dating into their 30s, this entrenched cynicism is turning into self-defeating mindsets. As an outside observer it’s frustrating to watch them self-sabotage by insisting that the problems with their dating are 100% society’s fault and 0% due to things they could possibly change. This ranges from not spending enough the tiniest effort on personal appearance to declining second dates or follow up conversations unless everything goes exactly as they imagined it. They retreat to online spaces like Reddit where they can get endless confirmation for their biases that other people and society are to blame, and that there was nothing they could do differently. I’m surprised to read the suggestion that “nobody” is talking about the difficulties in dating when it’s quite literally front page topics on sites like Reddit all of the time.

[aidenn0]

I think this comment demonstrates the article very well. People faced with cruel optimism turn to lazy pessimism. There's no room for nuanced "yes the world sucks, but you have control over your actions" Even if your problems are 80% society's fault, giving up on that last 20% will seal your fate.

[lezojeda]

>Many of my (completely average looking) friends have found success in online dating, but they’re not broadcasting it to the world. They also avoid talking about it with people who are struggling with online dating because those people don’t want to hear about other people doing well.

Are they really _average_?

[swagasaurus-rex]

Everybody thinks a 7 is average but on the bell curve there’s 70% of people uglier than them.

Men tend to rate women roughly along the bell curve. Women skew their ratings more heavily towards the most attractive men. I’d post the source but it was removed by okcupid.