[brandhout]

I think mild ASD, at least for me, can be just as bad. It depends on person to person; Its a spectrum for a reason.

No one in my childhood and teenage years had the idea that I was 'different'. However, I was constantly gaslighted that I was, for example, too rude to look people straight in the eye, shake hands, kiss all people on a family birthday (yuck) or that I was lazy because I really needed an hour of rest after school or work instead of doing household chores immediately.

I never fully met all the social norms, my siblings did, and was therefore a bit of the black sheep in the family. According to my (loving) parents everything was my own choice, and of course in a sense it is, so in the end I fully believed that too. It took some time to rebuild my self-image.

[steve_adams_86]

I have no doubt at all. I think your case is exactly what I’m thinking of — in that uncomfortable zone (with ASD, ADHD, or anything) where you mostly manage to appear normal — but in reality you’re actually running at 110% only to meet 75% of people’s expectations. It really weighs on you and there’s never something to point to and say “This is why!”.

I strongly suspect the more divergent you appear while still being high functioning, the better off you might be (in regards to internalizing, at least). Of course that’s only based on my personal relationships and experiences; I could be way off the mark.