[nicoburns]

> This is not about being reclusive/introverted/autistic/antisocial/whatever

Sounds like it might be about being extraverted. It of course depends on the specific scenario, but introverts tend to be more comfortable 1 on 1 or in small groups, whereas extraverts tend to prefer small groups or large groups.

[hnbad]

Honestly? I'm not an extrovert at all but a group of 3+ people makes it a lot easier to keep my distance and get a feel for how people are before engaging with them. For me this is very much an autism thing.

When going to conferences I've made it a habit to try to talk to new people on every break out of principle (because after all, if I just want to watch the talks, usually there are recordings available afterwards or even a livestream, so they're a waste of money on their own). But approaching strangers standing alone is extremely awkward unless you have a plausible excuse (e.g. queuing) so the "open circle" group of 3+ people (i.e. keeping enough space while facing each other so at least another person can easily join) tends to work best.

Being in a group of 3+ people also reduces the social anxiety of whether it's okay to back out because you're not abandoning the person specifically, while also making it easier for an additional person to join because there's already a conversation going so it's fine if you find that you have nothing to add.

[arcturus17]

Tbh, it sounds like it might be about not wanting to connect that bad. Because if you want to connect really bad (for romance, business, friendship, or what have you), you learn very quickly that one-to-one connections are not something you dispense with.

[throwaway4aday]

There's an important distinction here between the concepts of "wanting to" and "knowing how to" and how they impact someone's decision to attempt something. For example, your car may break down and you may ultimately decide to have it towed to a garage and repaired by a mechanic even though you may very badly "want to" repair it yourself. You make that decision because you understand that you do not "know how to" fix it yourself. The outcome of that scenario can be very different based on the degree to which you want to or know how to approach it.

Similarly, someone who decides to avoid a one on one interaction with someone may very badly want to make a connection with someone else but they decide not to because they don't know how to appropriately handle such a situation. This may not be entirely anxiety driven since many people will have repeatedly attempted one on one connections and failed badly, leading them to believe perhaps rightly that they don't know how to and so they must lean on some other device such as socializing only in group settings where they can build off of others' social skills.

I'm not saying it's impossible for anyone to learn how to successfully connect one on one with others, I'm just asking that you not assume that everyone has the same learned skills and knowledge that you do.

[arcturus17]

I am getting lost in all these semantic considerations.

How can you build a business or form a romantic relationship or a friendship without one-to-one connections?

[nicoburns]

I think the TLDR is that you might WANT to build a business, form romantic relationship or friendships, but not have the skills to do so or else be uncomfortable with the process of getting to that point (despite wanting the end result).