[eternalban]

> I've begun to talk less to friends because I keep comparing myself to them, and I'm the example on who you should not try to be.

Definitely stop doing that and that. Having people around you who have their act together is helpful. Remember: monkey see monkey do. And that final expression of your self image is the root of the issue. That will not go away if you cut yourself off from friends, it will only get worse.

This puzzle of an existence is in the main an entirely private and internal affair. Here's an old saw (which is still sharp and of utility): The mind/self can be your friend or your enemy. Time to make friends with your mind/self.

(Never hurts to see a therapist.)

[user-extended]

I am seeing a therapist, for years.

I struggle a lot with jealousy, but it's the fact that most of them are already successful and I've failed so much. I talk to them and the only thing I am reminded of is how much their lives are better than mine.

It's even more depressing when one of them calls me at 9pm to hang out and I'm like I don't WFH unlike you, and my commute is horrible, so sorry, no. It's all I think about when I talk with them.

[spigottoday]

There is another old saying: don't compare your insides to someone else's outside. Your successful friends could be stressed out nervous wreaks. And there might be people out there that look at you and say: he's got a bad commute but his job don't stress him out and he gets along with and enjoys being with his parents, how cool, I'm jealous. The big question about what to do with your life is important, but it seems like your bad commute is problem you could and should deal with first. It seems like WFH is out of the question but you could ask to come in earlier or later to avoid traffic. If they won't accommodate you find a job with a better commute and or closer to home. You are in a much better position than many people to take that risk. Take some time to reflect on all of the things you have to be grateful for and be kind to your self and protect your self from people who are not kind to you or who try to make themselves feel better by undermining you. Good luck.

[user-extended]

Thank you.

[bloqs]

I felt this way at 23, and this is such a damaging mindset that im only just moving past it at 32. You have been raised in a generation that is somehow even more comparative than mine, which is utterly crazy. What is interesting is, most of the emotionally intelligent people responding to this post, will likely not be the epitome of this website, so its important, if you read any good advice to think it's the norm. The culture of this sector is emotionally undeveloped but technically brilliant.

Often, your position occurs due to a couple of things -

1. Emotional turbulence due to difficult upbringing (remember, simply going to school and feeling low on the social hierachy due to factors out of your control can be a key factor here)

2. Dishonesty. If you at some point have developed lying as a skill to protect yourself from difficult people and circumstances, this absolutely poisons your internal psychology. The part of your brain that handles problem solving (and your brain, generally speaking) will always look for the most efficient way you know to solve a problem. If simply altering reality to fit the desired outcome is done a lot, it becomes the default way you solve things.

Additionally, other people, educators, and society is becoming increasingly based on bullshit, which makes it even harder. People will say things like "you got it lucky" or suggest that "X is talented at Y" when they really have no idea, it can totally confound your ability to make decisions and move forward, and your ability to tell fact from fiction.

All people are generally arranged to be interested in "things" or "people". They are statistically associated with gender but lets ignore that for now.

Make sure when looking at tech that you are interested in the tech itself and not the people in it, or the " idea" of being in tech. You need to be fundamentally interested in things not people to go down the technical route. It is achieveable otherwise, but you will be unremarkable and lag behind which will cause long term stress. My advice is to focus more on understanding yourself, and if you can decide on something you think is worth pursuing then it is worth doing the best job you possibly can at it. Dont compare just try to better yourself over time. We all constantly overestimate what can be done in a year, and underestimate what can be done in 4. Good luck, and do an I PIP NEO personality questionnaire (longer one) it will help form a starting point. https://www.personal.psu.edu/~j5j/IPIP/

[user-extended]

I gotta hand it to you, how, how, could you "guess it all" out?

When I was little, I was bullied, I never fitted in. When I got to High School, I became a Chronic Liar, telling everyone how awesome my social life was and imaginary girlfriends, and other lies. I did it because it felt me feel... Accomplished without doing anything. I cut the bullshit at 18, when I went to college, but then I dropped out...

I will look into that test. And I know a lot can be accomplished in a year or 4, I just need to stop bullshitting myself and do it.