[klaushougesen1]

read some books about how to deal with people on the spectrum - which is what you're really asking about.

Usual acronyms of Asbergers, ADHD, ADD, PDA etc. "difficult engineers" is not something that exits in this world. There are difficult people, sometimes highly ordered jobs (like programming) attract people who like order -> many of which are on "the spectrum".

Be human, Be Kind and understand how to communicate effectively with several types of people.

[cranium]

You advise to be human and kind but automatically categorize "difficult people" as being on the spectrum? And no worry, some engineers don't need to be on the spectrum to be difficult. Conversely, people on the spectrum are not inherently difficult either.

But I do agree: communication is key. Craftpeople can have trouble taking the team or the business priorities into account. Being the manager, you have to take the other parties' side and talk about the non-technical problems: time to implement (= money and unavailability of the engineer), additional complexity, fragility, making changes more difficult... Convincing is always better but if you argued to no avail, you have to impose your decision – being careful not to be the asshat in the mix.

[klaushougesen1]

The point is that "people"'s behaviour is on a bell curve and none of us are "normal" -> some lie at the edges when they are pressured but are fine when they are relaxed. -> Some gravitate towards the center - but may slide to either side depending on specific circumstances and situations.

The true fallacy is to think there is anything "normal" at all! -> rather we have "permissable / accepted" behaviour and "impermissible / unaccepted" and a very very large grayzone in between.

And educating yourself on the edges of that bell curve gives you the tools and acceptance needed to better deal with most of the stuff happening on that curve.

[ParetoOptimal]

> You advise to be human and kind but automatically categorize "difficult people" as being on the spectrum?

Perhaps like me they reject the people referred to are "difficult people" but believe the behaviors listed refer to people on the spectrum or otherwise neurodivergent.

[klaushougesen1]

exactly - all people are normal, all people are difficult, no person is normal, some people are more often challenged that others. Judging for normalcy is a fallacy

[ParetoOptimal]

I agree that a very large portion of these instances are likely "neurotypical wants neurodivergent to be neurotypical".

That's not necessary to achieve the desired goal, but more empathy and better communication is.