[jonahbenton]

In terms of finding work, I would strongly advise thinking about this as a relationship problem.

First, cold introductions to/interviews in performance/efficiency-based relationships in general are terrible, terrible contexts. Mental model templates apply on both sides. Huge waste of time when one party does not fit into the template/box the other party necessarily has. Has nothing to do with the actual potential for a relationship.

Reach out to people you used to work with, or who you went to school with, with whom you had good interactions, learn what they are doing, who they work with, etc. Someone, somewhere, will know someone doing something interesting to you. Getting a single warm introduction is literally worth 100 cold interviews.

Second, put as much time as you can afford into producing the sort of work you would like to be paid to do, and make it available online. Reprise your academic projects, whatever. Treat this like a job, for a few months, and get stuff out. Much, much better than just a resume because it is actual work and you will learn whether you do like it and have facility for it, and if you do, talking about something you have done and liked is an easy path to conveying confidence. And confidence is very, very important to convey in relationships, old and new.

Finally, as someone in their 50s, on cognitive decline- I would suggest meditating on the serenity prayer- (though for me it is without the god part because there is no literal god, only we storytelling, narrative focused humans in this wonderful, fragile world). But for all our societal advances there are many, many things we collectively don't understand, about aging and other topics. Plenty of people produce creative work into their 70s, 80s, 90s. Maybe you will be one of them.

Know yourself, and take care of yourself, but develop the wisdom to know what is under your control and what isn't, and the serenity to recognize what isn't in your control cannot be lost- instead every day with it is a gift. Use those gifts when you have them, and help others to use theirs.

Best wishes.

[sleepybodo]

Even if you remove the word “God”, God is still implied. If not, who or what are you asking to grant you serenity?

[jonahbenton]

Friend, since meditation is usually a solo, silent activity, the best literal answer to the question is the "self."

Others may meditate or work in therapy/reflective contexts with other humans.

The notion of "self" is fuzzy as there likely are numerous physical and logical biological components that participate in self-talk and response and we (I) simply don't know enough physical and logical brain architecture.

I don't reject out of hand the notion of capital-S "Self" as "God" but "God" is essentially trademarked by multiple distinct authoritarian power structures around the world and their presence, policies, and activities I generally though not in all cases despise. I don't find value myself in promoting that association.

Cheers.