[garettmd]

I remember during most interactions with healthcare providers during my wife and I's pregnancies, hardly anyone ever talked to me, sometimes never even looking at me. I get it, I'm not the one carrying a baby to term, but I would have thought the fact that I was showing up to all these appointments, staying by my wife's side, taking part in decisions, and supporting her and the baby through the whole thing would have granted me a bit of acknowledgement of my role and investment in the whole process. But many times people acted like I wasn't even there.

I can't imagine having to deal with that dynamic with what you went through, and am so sorry for your loss.

[chasd00]

i know exactly what you mean. I remember an early doc appointment with my wife she was pregnant with our first child, the doctor was going over things with my wife like what she should be doing and what she should not be doing etc. I asked the doctor what i should be doing and what i should look out for, she just glared at me and said "you've done enough." implying i was only there to get my wife pregnant. That was 13 years ago but i still remember it vividly.

[lotsofpulp]

I cannot relate to yours or garettmd’s experience, on both east or west coast of USA. There was lots of information for me (the dad) by the OB, and during the class about birthing we took for our first. This was in last 5 years.

[watwut]

I mean, what you think doctor should tell you about what you should be doing while wife is pregnant? If the wife wants your support, I would expect the wife to tell you what kind of support she needs. She does not need doctor to be her speaker, presumably. And doctor giving you instructions on what she should be doing in pregnancy would be patronizing toward wife.

[unholythree]

If we take the poster with good faith we can assume he genuinely thought the doctor might know some useful ways he could be of help that neither he nor his wife knew. Even if there wasn't (which seems unlikely to me) I feel like good bedside manner should extend to a patient's loved ones when possible. Simply addressing him politely to say "Just be available and help as you can." would have be a far kinder way to blow off an anxious person.

[chasd00]

A good example of something a doctor could tell the other half is like “if she can’t get out of bed and you take her blood pressure and it’s X then call me but if it’s Y then call 911”. Those are important things a partner needs to know during a pregnancy.

[watwut]

I did not got instructions for "if I can't get out of bed" and I was the pregnant one. Nor the relationships style advice about availability and interpersonal help.

Both kind of suggest there is not much to tell, like they are doctor going out of way to give advice about stuff they normally don't talk about, just to have something to say.

[zdragnar]

For a first pregnancy, the doctor shouldn't make any assumptions about what the couple knows and doesn't know.

Even if the advice was "Let her listen to her body, she will know when she needs help and support" would go a long way- both in assuaging the father's concern, and in reinforcing that it is both acceptable and encouraged to ask for help as the mother's body changes.

[staticman2]

Medically speaking, what did you expect a pregnancy doctor to tell someone who wasn't pregnant?

[chasd00]

I was interested in things like what to look out for that may be an indication of a problem. Changes in habits or behavior, that kind of thing. Basically, how to help and care for someone who is pregnant from the medical perspective. Because, at that time, I had never done it before and had no idea.

[dsfyu404ed]

Presumably they know what things that the patient would benefit from external help with. That kind of advice is pretty standard in the medical world.