[rayiner]

> This trend started 60 years ago in the US, and is finally fully mainstream today,

I assure you it’s not unique to desis in the US.

> even if some parents are still holding on to the past (and if some communities are slower than others). But thank goodness for the progress, at least!

It’s sad how many desis confuse “being more like white people” with “progress.”

[quesera]

Sure, I agree that it's not unique to the US. And I'm not trying to suggest that US/Anglo culture is superior in any way.

But I would suggest that children living their parents' lives, or for their parents' approval, is a recipe for deep dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and lost opportunities for many many people.

Some communities impose their "traditional" (usually hierarchical and patriarchal) expectations on the next generation more strongly than others.

And I would characterize moving away from those kinds of traditional expectations, as progress toward a more (difficult, but) chosen and intentional life. And I would call that a good thing.

[rayiner]

> And I'm not trying to suggest that US/Anglo culture is superior in any way.

But that’s your ultimate point.

> But I would suggest that children living their parents' lives, or for their parents' approval, is a recipe for deep dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and lost opportunities for many many people. Some communities impose their "traditional" (usually hierarchical and patriarchal) expectations on the next generation more strongly than others.

In desi culture, it’s very important that children follow the right track, which their parents understand, instead of their own impulses. This cultural disposition is conducive to success—desi children are far more successful in American society than American children from similar economic backgrounds.

It’s also a recipe for contentment. You assert that living for what parents wants makes kids unhappy, but it seems to me that it’s American kids, who grow up being told to “follow their bliss,” who end up unhappy when their silly and unrealistic dreams fail to materialize. If you look at the statistics, from suicides to drug overdoses to cratering family formation, the western approach isn’t going that well.

> And I would characterize moving away from those kinds of traditional expectations, as progress toward a more (difficult, but) chosen and intentional life.

Individual “choice” is a distinctly western fixation. Worshiping the impulsiveness of youth over the judgment and experience of elders is a western fixation. It’s sad that so many desis conflate “being more westernized” with “progress.”

[quesera]

The "right track", you say. And parents know better. That's pretty self-serving, don't you think?

Self-determination and the ultimate responsibility of children to outgrow the default acceptance of their parents' belief systems are the absolute rights of every generation. Some communities acknowledge that fact, some encourage it, and some hide from it. Hiding won't make it go away.

Anyone who holds them back is committing an injustice against future generations.

It's not measured in economic success. That's a plainly myopic point of view. Freedom of activity and of thought is very noisy stuff, and it necessarily includes some failures. There are parallels to other systems of control exerted upon others here too, i.e. governments, etc. The seeds of those failures live in every community, they just are not dealt with as honestly in some.

The paternalist-authoritarian impulse to constrain the next generation's path is just old people not being able to admit that they don't know everything. This is like the landed gentry model of democracy. This way lies the death of the mind and the spirit.

Remember we're talking about overbearing parents having opinions about what brand of car their child's (inevitably, their daughter's) suitor drives. This is a trivial case of the parents' belief system failing the child. There are much more dramatic cases, of course, springing from the same self-serving impulses.