[mcovalt]

There's actually a right way to do this: pad it.

The blog post gives an example response to being paired with a coworker you dislike working with:

> "I'd prefer not to work with Alice again. There's a bit of a personality clash and I had trouble getting proper credit."

Don't just say this. Instead, say:

> "Alice is an incredibly bright person and a great developer. However, I'd prefer not to work with Alice again. There's a bit of a personality clash and I had trouble getting proper credit. I'm certain Alice will be a highly productive member of team in my absence."

If you don't actually think those things about Alice, take some time, meditate on it, and find some things you do really respect about them.

[Buttons840]

The book Crucial Conversations says to be "100% honest, and 100% respectful". It made me reconsider what I can directly communicate. In the past I would consider 1 or 2 ways to say something and then give up, but the truth is there are hundreds of ways to communicate something and unless you've spent a lot of time actively considering them, you haven't considered them all. (Spending a lot of time passively stressing and worrying about what you want to say doesn't count, because those are probably poor thinking patterns.)

[_8j50]

It still paints alice in a bad way. People only care that you said bad things about them. Words are cheap until they hurt you lol. Before I had one problem, after telling that to the manager I will have at least 3 problems (+alice+manager).

[mcovalt]

Totally agree. I’d also say it paints yourself in a bad way since you’re showing you aren’t willing to work through your differences with Alice. No free lunch, but if you’re already committed to this approach the least you could do is be supportive of your colleagues even when you’re unwilling to work with them.