I think you're looking for something more generic, like pg_net[2]. This would allow you to do your crazy logic by parsing your API response:
select net.http_get('https://news.ycombinator.com') as request_id; select body, status_code from net.http_collect_response(1, async:=false);
[1] Stripe docs: https://supabase.github.io/wrappers/stripe/
[2] pg_net: https://supabase.github.io/pg_net/api/