[fooqux]

>but what's the point of working so hard if nobody gets to enjoy it but me?

I have been struggling with this myself. Not just about programming but other creative pursuits as well. Recently it has been photography. I take pictures while knowing whatever I'm looking at has a far better picture on its wikipedia page.

I suppose we're supposed to take some sort of fulfillment in the process of creation itself? But that just goes back to the old koan of the tree falling in the woods. If I create something, but nobody ever sees it, did I create it at all? Doesn't feel like it.

[MrVandemar]

> If I create something, but nobody ever sees it, did I create it at all? Doesn't feel like it.

You have been trained to require external validation for your work. Maybe it's a modern thing with upvotes and twitter and likes and whatnot.

If you create a thing, then you have drawn on your skills, probably improving them. Whether the thing is seen by others is irrelvant. What is relevant is your experience in creating it, and the use of it (whether it has a use, or just has aesthetic value).

Maybe practice by creating something, then destroying it, as if it had never existed. What remains? Memory and skill, both of great value.

[wott]

> You have been trained to require external validation for your work. Maybe it's a modern thing with upvotes and twitter and likes and whatnot.

And simply the fact that, nowadays, you have access to the production of thousands of other people, with which you can compare yours. And in most cases it will compare unfavourably; to make it worse, almost all those people are unknown to the general public, they are often not even professionals, they are just very ordinary persons with a hobby, and yet you can see in a couple of clicks that they get (much) better results than you do.

On may call this a self-validation based on external elements.

Perhaps, as it devalues your creations in your own eyes, it reinforces the need for external validation.

[dotnet00]

I've thought about the same with regard to drawing (and previously with programming). While I agree that it's a tad bit disheartening to know that things better than what you are currently capable of are one search away, I like to consider the fact that prior to the internet those still existed and it was still somewhat easy to come across better photography by simply going to a library. Yet there wasn't such an easy way to get anyone outside of your own circle to acknowledge your work until you were already very good.

Thus you kind of do have to find at least enough fulfillment in the process of creation and of self-improvement to keep at the grind. Some amount of existential dread of that sort is also just part of the grind of any creative pursuit.

At the same time though, it also helps to keep some perspective and step back for some time if it becomes too consuming. I let this sort of dread get too far for programming, which had me shirking all other important things in life (family, food, sleep, work) just to keep coding. Once I stepped back from it I got a lot less stressed, managed to find other aspects of my skills I needed to work on and also managed to find a place to apply myself to which is sufficiently fulfilling.

[losteric]

> I have been struggling with this myself. Not just about programming but other creative pursuits as well. Recently it has been photography. I take pictures while knowing whatever I'm looking at has a far better picture on its wikipedia page.

> I suppose we're supposed to take some sort of fulfillment in the process of creation itself? But that just goes back to the old koan of the tree falling in the woods. If I create something, but nobody ever sees it, did I create it at all? Doesn't feel like it.

I think these questions come back to "what is the meaning of life?", no?

Among many things, I enjoy hiking. I also know for a fact that thousands of people have been to every place I go and none of my trips will ever be publicly notable. That's OK. When I hike, I enjoy the journey... exercise, clean air, calm views, quiet space, one with nature, and the ego-scratch of reaching a summit... my experience feels good, deep in the bones and belly. What more could one want? If no one knows about the trip, does that invalidate or lessen my experience?

I carry the same perspective to creative pursuits. The mental exercise, honing skill, going from nothing to something - some moments are frustrating, but in aggregate it feels good. At work, I do find capitalist realities corrupt the creative joy, but I accept that as part of where we are as a society.