[Victerius]

I wish society in general worked like this: less formality, more informality, more relationships.....

.... I could move to a small town. I've always lived in a large metropolis and, to be frank, I'm tired of it. I can't move to Monaco, or make the global population decrease by 90%, but I could move to a smaller community in my state. I think this is what I need to start building more relationships with other people.

[colechristensen]

Have to actually experienced this? What you want is for people to be familiar and nice, what you actually get is the banker telling everybody your account balance, the whole town talking about that time you showed up to church hungover, and the viciousness of national politics (or mean high school girls) applied to every aspect of your life.

Don’t wish for universal non anonymity unless you really know what it’s like, especially if you’re not willing to join the local moral majority.

[lliamander]

> What you want is for people to be familiar and nice, what you actually get...

Is actually people being nice (for the most part) in my experience. The failure modes you describe are a possibility, but far from a certainty.

People generally community and a sense of belonging, and I would wager are typically happier with it than without.

[colechristensen]

Let's just call them "personal experiences".

The kind of toxicity you find in small communities is just different than big ones.

[RajT88]

Indeed. A small town is nice and welcoming if you are sufficiently like them, and agree with all the stuff your neighbors are on about.

If you deviate from that in some small way, it gets a lot harder. That includes being from the wrong class, or religion, or ethnicity or political leaning.

[midoridensha]

>If you deviate from that in some small way, it gets a lot harder. That includes being from the wrong class, or religion, or ethnicity or political leaning.

Or just being suspected of being something you're not. Some people in Salem in the 1600s learned the hard way what happens when these wonderful small town people aren't so nice...

[lliamander]

Mass hysteria and violence can afflict larger communities as well.

[lliamander]

I could also say that big cities are (outside of certain expensive neighborhoods and business districts) burnt out hell-holes full of organized crime, refuse, homelessness, pollution, traffic, soulless concrete buildings, and people who don't give a damn about you.

Even though there's truth in all of that (cities are plagued by these problems) it's an overly pessimistic take and is not equally applicable in all cases.

So too with your description of small towns.

[ricardobayes]

There are some nuances between living in a metropolis and living in a 500 population mining town.

[belfalas]

It's attractive and in many ways better, but never forget: the dark side is insularity and 'no outsiders.' When you don't have the relationships or are actively excluded by virtue of being from a lower social class...modernism ain't so bad.

[beambot]

It's all fun & games until you piss off the gatekeeper and now you're forbidden from traveling or pursuing gainful employment. Double-plus bad if they obtain extradition powers and can effectively confine you to poverty status.

[lliamander]

I would rather my tyrants be smaller, not larger.

Any society can leave you under the boot of some person (or impersonal system).

[CalRobert]

When you move to said small town and discover that being part of the in group depends on not straying from norms, going to the same church as everyone else, etc. you start to second guess it.

[Victerius]

I don't mind having to conform to some norms. I would even go so far as to argue that close-knit communities are impossible to maintain over long time horizons without these gatekeeping attitudes and insider values that outsiders must conform to.

[CalRobert]

Sure, but some things are harder to get used to than others. People opening conversations by complaining about environmental protections is getting old.

[frozenport]

Sounds like India, can't get shit done without knowing somebody