[wnolens]

Indeed, he seemed to have all the things that generally is believed to combat that trend towards darkness.

However, I recall my absolute lowest and the first time I entertained the thought to end it, the 'it' was specifically what it felt like to be in my body. It wasn't a matter of self-worth, it was to stop pain. The strongest reason I could come up with to wait for it to pass was the pain it would cause my mother.

So, I don't know.

[rdrake98]

"The strongest reason I could come up with to wait for it to pass was the pain it would cause my mother."

You got hold of the right reason. And sometimes we need to hold on to that reason - the pain we would cause to others - for dear live. So to speak.