[thieving_magpie]

My grandfather told me a version of this story and I have been lucky to tell my kids (who loved it).

Our version:

There was once a boy that was born with a golden screw where his belly button should be. This made him very self-conscious about it. The kids at school would tease him about his golden screw and lack of belly button. It was so bad that he didn't want to remove his shirt when swimming.

One day his class took a field trip to the beach. The boy didn't want to remove his shirt, so he walked along the beach kicking the sand. He was very sad. Suddenly, his foot hurt from kicking something hard in the sand. He looked down and discovered a golden screwdriver.

His eyes brightened and he felt this must be some divine intervention. He immediately removed his shirt, grabbed the golden screwdriver and began to carefully unscrew the golden screw. This was the moment. He unscrewed it and finally this golden screw that had cursed him his whole life came out <dramatic pause> then his butt fell off.

<cue 6 year old laughing>

[bmcahren]

ChatGPT is the best:

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Jack who had a golden screw in place of his belly button. Jack was very self-conscious about this unique feature, but he soon discovered that it had some incredible powers.

One day, Jack was walking through the forest when he came across a beautiful fairy. The fairy was in distress and begged Jack to help her. She explained that she was being held captive by a wicked witch and needed someone to rescue her.

Without hesitation, Jack agreed to help the fairy and set off on an adventure to defeat the witch. Along the way, he encountered many challenges, including fierce beasts and treacherous obstacles.

But with the help of his golden screw, Jack was able to overcome each challenge and finally reached the witch's castle. He battled the witch, using his golden screw to conjure up powerful spells and defeat her.

The fairy was grateful to Jack and rewarded him with a magical amulet that granted him the ability to fly. With this new power, Jack flew back home, feeling proud of his bravery and accomplishment.

Years later, Jack discovered that the golden screw could do even more than he had initially thought. He realized that he could use it to shape-shift into any form he desired.

Excited by this new discovery, Jack began experimenting with his newfound ability. He turned into a bird, a fish, and even a dragon. But one day, he accidentally turned into a duck and couldn't change back.

Feeling frustrated and embarrassed, Jack decided to give up his powers and return to his human form. He unscrewed the golden screw and, to his horror, his butt fell off.

[the_sleaze9]

The story doesn't matter, it's the <cue 6 year old laughter> that makes it good.

[m463]

lol, I'm sure you could shaggy-dog any joke this way.

I remember the Leisure Suit Larry punchlines, and wonder if you could reverse engineer jokes from the punchline, or make up punchlines and see if there's a joke to be made.

"...and there stood the pig and the cow!"

[poizan42]

A variant of this version is in The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss:

> “Once upon a time,” I began. “There was a little boy born in a little town. He was perfect, or so his mother thought. But one thing was different about him. He had a gold screw in his belly button. Just the head of it peeping out.

> “Now his mother was simply glad he had all his fingers and toes to count with. But as the boy grew up he realized not everyone had screws in their belly buttons, let alone gold ones. He asked his mother what it was for, but she didn’t know. Next he asked his father, but his father didn’t know. He asked his grandparents, but they didn’t know either.

> “That settled it for a while, but it kept nagging him. Finally, when he was old enough, he packed a bag and set out, hoping he could find someone who knew the truth of it.

> “He went from place to place, asking everyone who claimed to know something about anything. He asked midwives and physickers, but they couldn’t make heads or tails of it. The boy asked arcanists, tinkers, and old hermits living in the woods, but no one had ever seen anything like it.

> “He went to ask the Cealdim merchants, thinking if anyone would know about gold, it would be them. But the Cealdim merchants didn’t know. He went to the arcanists at the University, thinking if anyone would know about screws and their workings, they would. But the arcanists didn’t know. The boy followed the road over the Stormwal to ask the witch women of the Tahl, but none of them could give him an answer.

> “Eventually he went to the King of Vint, the richest king in the world. But the king didn’t know. He went to the Emperor of Atur, but even with all his power, the emperor didn’t know. He went to each of the small kingdoms, one by one, but no one could tell him anything.

> “Finally the boy went to the High King of Modeg, the wisest of all the kings in the world. The high king looked closely at the head of the golden screw peeping from the boy’s belly button. Then the high king made a gesture, and his seneschal brought out a pillow of golden silk. On that pillow was a golden box. The high king took a golden key from around his neck, opened the box, and inside was a golden screwdriver.

> “The high king took the screwdriver and motioned the boy to come closer. Trembling with excitement, the boy did. Then the high king took the golden screwdriver and put it in the boy’s belly button.”

> I paused to take a long drink of water. I could feel my small audience leaning toward me. “Then the

> high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the boy’s ass fell off.”

> There was a moment of stunned silence.

> “What?” Hespe asked incredulously.

> “His ass fell off.”

[cloudmike]

Seeing a masterful Rothfuss excerpt right next to its lesser, AI-generated counterpart (in a sibling comment) gives me pause, today.

[onepointsixC]

I'm most certainly going to steal this.

[TedDoesntTalk]

Can’t wait to use this!!