[incanus77]

I'll add to this, gently. There can be some awkwardness around how others refer to the person in your life who died. "Ex" is definitely not it. Gently correct them.

Also, when I talk about that time or person in my life, depending how much I want to get it into it and the level of familiarity, I describe that person using one of:

- My late wife

- My wife, who passed away

- My wife at the time

- A family friend

- I know someone who...

If I'm trying to relate to something a relative stranger is telling me, I'll use one of the later versions unless I want to drop the (often unknown what to do with) bomb that I experienced such-and-such with my dead wife, too. Many people don't know how to handle that.

[psYchotic]

> If I'm trying to relate to something a relative stranger is telling me, I'll use one of the later versions unless I want to drop the (often unknown what to do with) bomb that I experienced such-and-such with my dead wife, too. Many people don't know how to handle that.

Asking as someone that wants someone such as yourself, a total stranger, to feel like they can share however much they need if it helps in any way: how _should_ I handle that?

It kinda pains me to hear you basically explain how you have to consider another person's feelings when you are in pain. I can't imagine even having that capability myself, were I walking in your shoes.

[incanus77]

I guess I just mostly mean keeping the seriousness level of the conversation at about the same place. If it's someone I know well or we're talking pretty seriously, I'd bring up the topic. If it's a light conversation, especially with a stranger or lesser-known acquaintance, I'd relate things in a way that doesn't necessarily bring up a death unless that's relevant to the topic at hand.