That's simply not true, and I'm not entirely sure what would motivate someone to say such a thing. I would speculate, however, that it's a gleeful kind of trolling, a chance to say, "But it was your fault!" in the face of someone in great pain.
Consider the case where your child dies. Yet, you chose to have a child, knowing that he or she may die. So, you are also suffering from a circumstance of your choosing, no? Well, no, that is absurd. In fact, any misfortune can be similarly characterized as "of your choosing" since choice always affects the situation we experience. The logical problem is that the situation is not a function only of choice; change factors in, as do the choices of others. The ethical, or moral problem is that such a statement openly expresses contempt for those in pain, and a positive desire to increase that pain, and I think sadists like that serve no purpose on this Earth.
first, I absolutely agree that divorcee and widow are entirely different concepts and experiences.
But, unpopular opinion : becoming romantically involved with another is also a circumstance of your choosing; and although the death of a partner is rarely the choice of a spouse, the emotional involvement and entangled lives are the product of choices by both parties.
root parent : I can't myself imagine the loss of my partner, as I have grown so dependent on the relationship and the companionship provided. I think you are coping very well compared to how I see myself handling something similar, and I hope your days continue to improve.
As for the restaurant judgements : who cares what other people think? Screw 'em. There's a lot of judgemental bastards out there, and their opinion doesn't mean a damn thing.
Consider the case where your child dies. Yet, you chose to have a child, knowing that he or she may die. So, you are also suffering from a circumstance of your choosing, no? Well, no, that is absurd. In fact, any misfortune can be similarly characterized as "of your choosing" since choice always affects the situation we experience. The logical problem is that the situation is not a function only of choice; change factors in, as do the choices of others. The ethical, or moral problem is that such a statement openly expresses contempt for those in pain, and a positive desire to increase that pain, and I think sadists like that serve no purpose on this Earth.