[pengaru]

> You may be punished, but the sense of catharsis more than makes up for that.

The kind of punishment doled out by law-abiding adults to children isn't even a blip on the radar vs. suffering a vicious bully. It isn't even worth mentioning, punishment for violence is a total farce until adulthood. That's basically the whole source of the problem; bullys have realized there are no consequences.

The best response to a bully is an immediate and vigorous aggression resembling that of a honey badger, full stop. I agree it's important to teach children self-defense and get them familiar enough with conflict to not piss themselves when faced with it. It's the children who can get away with fighting back without negative consequence, and substantial upside potential.

[halifaxbeard]

The best advice I would have for my childhood self is along those lines.

Get angry, and hurt them.

[PaulHoule]

It's not that easy to hurt somebody enough to make a real difference without weapons. Getting angry and taking ineffective action is one more thing that people will mock you for and further contribute to your worthlessness just as much as the principal telling you that you have no recourse for what is happening to you.

My acting teacher told me about her fantasy of punching somebody in the face and I told her that when I tried that as a kid and really hurt my hand. In fact there was a time my son got mad and hit me in the arm and I didn't find it especially painful but his hand was still hurting 10 hours later. Usually your hand is less durable than whatever it hits, particularly the rather large bones in the face, it is a big subject of martial arts to mitigate that. Someone who smacks you has to balance the intimidation power of the smack vs the very real sting they'll experience. Packing a roll of dimes in your pocket is a deniable way (like the clipboard carried by a store manager confronting shoplifters) that can greatly improve the pain factor for both your target and yourself.

[PaulHoule]

I'll tell you that 40 years later the people I have rage at are the principals who told me I had no recourse to stop the bullying than the bully himself. It's not just getting hit or the unkind words, it is that the entire community organizes to support the bully and his ability to operate. I'm not particularly mad at the actual bully, in fact in one case I made peace 20 years later with that individual and his family.

I was on both sides of bad behavior in school that involved insults, punching, etc. and this is not necessarily bullying. There was the time a friend and I did something cruel to an MR kid and his big brother (emphasis on "big") gave me the smackdown which I deserved. Not to condone my own behavior, but the fact that this kid got immediate protection from his big bro would have reduced the long term psychological effects of my transgression.