[hunterhod]

I was in your exact same situation and know the feeling of nausea-inducing existential dread all too well. I abused alcohol pretty heavily to cope.

I can’t believe I’m about to post this, and I’m almost certain it won’t be received well by this community, but stepping into a local Christian church could potentially give you all of the things you’re longing for. You don’t have to be unintelligent or believe in mysticism to be spiritually connected through Christianity.

I attempted to pursue Buddhism previously, but there wasn’t anything pulling me away from the void strongly enough to get me to keep going. If you step into a Christian church, you’re likely to find people who will spend energy pulling you away from the void.

[cableshaft]

I'm not particularly religous right now (I consider myself agnostic, but pray every once in a while anyway), but growing up every Sunday I attended church in the morning and youth group in the evening (because my parents took me).

At the time I had mixed feelings about it, liked some of the other kids in the youth group, but I often just wanted to be lazy on Sundays instead. Now that I'm older, I kind of miss having a place you could just go to each week if you want to talk to the same groups of people and do activities that doesn't just involve drinking (I rarely drink now, and never drink more than two beers now).

I used to sign up for meetups a lot, and still do from time to time (signed up for a hike this weekend), but there's a lot of inconsistency there (no guarantee a group you're wanting to meet up with will be hosting anything that week, or even that month). I did meet some good friends though that originally, although most have kind of drifted apart after getting married and having children (did have a mini-reunion at one of their baby showers recently, though).

Seeing the same people consistently with a low stress activity you can focus on (board games, movies, scavenger hunt, escape room, karaoke, volunteer work, painting/writing/crafting, etc) to keep the pressure off having to be super 'on' and talkative with people who start as strangers, and you just get to know these people slowly over time, seems to work the best for me.

I have actually considered checking out the activities at a local church. I don't want to sit in a service or worship (sermons I don't mind anymore, there can be some interesting philosopy or life lessons in there, it's actually all the time spent singing or reciting things that I don't want to do), but I wouldn't mind a place I can stop by and say hi to people, maybe play some card games or help with some light volunteer work or something. Haven't pulled the trigger on it yet, though.

Also discovered recently that the local forest preserve district hosts a lot of activities, and a decent amount of adult only activities, so I might start doing that more. A lot of campfire activities, kayaking, hikes, cleaning up the forests, etc. Seems like some good people that attend those, too.

[hunterhod]

Exactly. From a purely secular perspective, having a consistent community to participate in seems to be an innate human need that churches supplied for a long time.

There are plenty of other ways to meet that need nowadays that are especially attractive given the poor example that some Christians set. My hope is that people find satisfaction in life one way or another.

[onecommentman]

“poor example that some Christians set?”…can you recommend any group of ~1B people that doesn’t have members that “set a bad example”? Do you think you yourself could stand that scrutiny? (I doubt it.)

The OP says he is feeling lost. Following a map sounds like the sort of thing you do if you are lost. Any of the core scriptures of any of the major religions has the sort of map the OP may be looking for. Read deeply and broadly (Bible, Koran, Torah, Upanishads, Dhammapada, Sutras, Tao Te Ching…but often popular writings about the Scriptures are an easier start or even religious poetry, Perennialist or New Thought/New Age writings). Then find a community you like consistent with what you find true in your reading of those texts, if you wish. Many billions of people over the centuries couldn’t have been that wrong taking such an approach.

But choosing a community first before finding your philosophical/spiritual footing runs the risk falling into a cult. They can seem “especially attractive”…at first. As can political and philosophical fringe groups. Try not to waste your time (and lots of money) by putting their cart before your horse. First find and listen to the still, small voice within, then explore what direction will lead towards your better life. If someone proposes the opposite (community before individual spiritual exploration and commitment), run away while keeping one hand over your wallet, because your money is what they are really interested in.

If you already feel comfortable in the spiritual tradition you were born into, then you already have your answer…you just need to deepen your understanding and actually pursue the practices of that millennia-long tradition. Community and theurgy can help. As the Dalai Lama said, you can test whether you are on the right path if your path is making you kinder and more loving to all you meet. Love your neighbor as yourself. Golden rule. Not that hard :-). I’m guessing your heart will be way more important in finding your way than your head will be. You do know where your heart is, don’t you? :-)

[hunterhod]

Lots of folks including myself have experienced church hurt within the Christian community. I’m just leaving the door open to acknowledge those experiences and set them apart as being distinct from the message of the gospel.