| This is one of those few posts that i feel like I’ve posted myself while sleepwalking:) I feel your pain, bro. At least to the degree possible via writing. I’ve been there and partially still am. I haven’t got my sh* together. And haven’t even figured out for sure what i wanna do with my life. Or better say - what else/next I am going to do with it. And you know what, a substantial (if not most) part of the so called successful people you see on the internet - neither. I promised myself not to pretend anymore that I have. Not to lie to myself and others when possible. The good thing is that you have something inside you that craves for a change. It cannot take it no more. I would focus on this something first. > no idea what I even want to change Here you go! There’s a force inside you that wants to change your state of being. And this has giant meaning for you. Otherwise you wouldn’t bother posting here, right? So why don’t you start respecting and nourishing this part of you first? You have nothing to loose, as your other parts didn’t have any luck finding any meaning anyway, did they? This is what helped me to climb out of the deep black hole i once spiraled down into. Not to the happy life, but at least to the level when I was motivated enough not to miss an amazing wife god sent my way and start a family. This has not solved the “void” issue for me. No happy end here, sorry. But this and having a baby pushed me out of my comfort zone in a good, even though very mentally and physically challenging, way. Next big step up from the void for me was working with psychotherapist. Although I’ve spent quite an effort finding the “right one”. This hasn’t made me happy either, sorry :) But it helped me to start learning to listen to my deep inner voice. The same one that originally screamed for help to get him out of the emotional, social and mental void I’ve put him into. It helped me to start really caring about me, instead of boosting my ego or supporting my public mask. It helped me to start recovering that intimate connection with myself most people suggesting to solve such issues by healthy diet or Stoicism teaching take for granted. I keep learning. And my wifi signal from this inner self is still weak, connection keeps interrupting :) But at least I am at the point where those surface level meditation/hobby/gym/books/sleeping advice start making some sense to me. And start having some positive effect. |