| > In my early twenties, I would self-medicate with various addictions Which ones? Some drugs are more social than others. On the other hand, your problems sound pretty deep-seated and you probably won't relax enough to bridge that gap with recreational use. You'd probably be better with a therapeutic approach. > Setting personal goals is even more hopeless when at the core, I just feel empty. Every time I try to set even small goals for myself (starting personal projects, hobbies, etc.) I don't think 'deciding' to have a hobby ever works that well. It is perfectly normal to get interested in something, try it out, and then lose interest after the initial thrill has worn off. But drive comes from being obsessed by something even if you're useless at it. Avoid comparing yourself to others, which is a huge problem in this age of social media. Your solitary tendencies are an asset here in that you can take time to get really into something that fascinates you. It's fine to find this late or be lost along the way. > [...] gravity pulls me back into the void. Any sort of direction or intention feels like trying to build a house of cards on a non-existent foundation. It sounds very much like you're judging your efforts on the foreseeable outcome, and lacking depth/experience that outcome doesn't seem that great. Don't worry about it. It's perfectly OK to just please yourself, and even if all you ever work on are simple things, those might be the useful examples someone else desperately needs. Don't worry about the outcome, do it because you like it. Being goal-oriented is not the only way to go and tbh I think it's massively overrated. Some of that is cultural. One approach you should consider is trying out a different culture for a while to see if you like it. Moving to a different country for a while is the closest thing there is to a life reset button. You have to deal with people because you don't know your way around, to the point of perhaps needing language classes. And you have to work differently at it because you'll need to meet people across linguistic and cultural gap, so you'll get a lot of practice telling your backstory and answering the kind of predictable questions about it (from superficial to serious and thought provoking). It's totally OK to be kind of awkward in this situation. In general it's fine to be awkward as long as you're nice. You'll also be able to practice listening and asking other people about their lives, and making it easier for other awkward people to communicate with you. Having a solid economic situation gives you a huge head start. Figure out the logistics, pack a bag, and head off somewhere - don't overthink it, just follow your whims. If your first whim isn't that rewarding, try somewhere else. Just go be a part-time tourist for a while and immerse yourself in some different environments until you stumble on something you really like. |