[PuppyTailWags]

Hey, you sound like people haven't been very kind to you, and have taught you their cruelty is normal. I just want to say I'm sorry and I hope you find someone who can teach you that people can genuinely care about your wellbeing and do things that they know increase your quality of life, such as avoiding topics that they know make you uncomfortable.

I hope you find someone that teaches you that kindness doesn't have to be conditional.

[catiopatio]

Of course kindness is conditional.

Unconditional kindness is reserved for parents’ relationship with their very young children.

With anyone else and in any other circumstance, unconditional kindness is pathological.

It is enabling, not helping, and it is detrimental to those who need to build resilience.

[PuppyTailWags]

Kindness doesn't have to be conditional. Helping someone build resilience is also providing the support they need to do so, for example being a shoulder to cry on when a loved one passes, kvetching at a bar about the daily stresses of work.

Enabling someone isn't kindness, unablement often occurs because confrontation is deeply uncomfortable and is a completely different wiring than choosing to be kind.