[sph]

My suggestions will be unpopular and controversial, but I have been in your shoes, and medication has saved my life. Make it your goal.

If you can't get medicated, I would suggest copious amount of caffeine and nicotine, especially the latter. Perhaps don't get into cigarettes, patches are great if you understand that they take hours to reach peak nicotine concentration. Vaping is still 10x better than an unmedicated, unassisted life. Get some exercise in for that 15% boost in executive function, and it's great for your health anyway. Good luck starting an exercise routine unmedicated though.

If one day society decides I cannot take the meds that keep me ticking along, that is my plan. I'd rather die 10 years earlier because of nicotine side-effects than go back into the hole of self loathing and mental impotence I just managed to crawl out of.

Stay away from any dopamine binge. You are probably already binging on something. Drugs, porn, mindless YouTubing, food, sugar, sex, the Internet, video games are your best pleasure and your worst enemy. You crave that rush, you will seek it anywhere, it will make your ADHD worse and worse.

It's not going to be easy, but don't give much weight to "normal" people trying to convince you you're just one small trick away from a happy life. They don't know what the hell they're talking about. You have a mental imbalance, and unless you can afford not to work like a hamster 40h a week to get a salary, you need help to fix the imbalance.

And in any case if you are like me you will never be a cubicle monkey. Freelance. Work you own hours. Work for yourself if you can. It is possible to get to a point that your 0.2x productivity, if you're good, still keeps a roof over your head.

Hit me up, email in my profile, if you wanna vent. I have lived in your shoes for a very long time.

[thegrasshopper2]

Thanks for the suggestion of nicotine patches for ADHD - I added it to my "in case I cannot access meds anymore" list :)

[nexus2045]

Why does nicotine work? Asking this as someone who has similar problems to OP (but an average programmer) and have been vaping every day, all day long, for the last few years, and don’t mind a shorter lifespan.

[rolenthedeep]

Basically, because nicotine is a stimulant.

Nicotine and caffeine seem to have a similar effect on ADHD as amphetamines, but on a much smaller scale.

There's also something to be said for the act of smoking. It's a consistent ritual with a direct and immediate reward for very little effort. Perfect for the adhd brain

[sph]

I mentioned nicotine because in my experience nicotine is much better at releasing dopamine than caffeine does, thus improves focus more than the other. Coffee raises other neurotrasmitters with a little effect on dopamine.

That said, coffee and nicotine are two stimulants that go and feel great together.

Before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I used to chain vape whenever I was coding or before bed to calm down. It had a similar effect amphetamine has on me: holds my focus and calms my mind down, but with noticeable side effects such as high blood pressure, pulse rate and a house that smells of smoke or papaya blast.