[mst]

Right, "finding a provider whose reaction to an aggravating quantity of incoming packets was charging money rather than throttling the connection" was basically the load bearing part of the solution here.

Fortunately, while said quantity was indeed aggravating, it was low enough that the cost was financially and logistically less than trying to do something more elegant.

Sometimes brute force and ignorance is, in fact, the right answer, and I don't have to -like- that being true for it to be true.