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by ianai
1310 days ago
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So this might be your/the male experience. (And I am a guy. Just trying to give visibility into what I’ve been told here.) but multiple women have expressed the “frustration” of trying to date men as a woman to me. They know they’re much smaller or just vulnerable comparatively [edit] this is not to say women actually are weaker or vulnerable but that some proportion of predatory people out there perceive them as such and that’s enough. And they fear the many forms of retribution a man can express - every level of violence, toxicity, you name it. Then there’s the risk of workplace or even career effects if they work in a particularly small industry where everyone knows everyone and one person can unilaterally push someone out through a toxic whisper campaign. As a guy, I’ve had my share of bad dates, but nothing quite so bad as expressed to me above. And even I have effectively stopped looking years ago. So I would say I want it to be as simple as just see where it goes and say no quickly if it’s apparent. But that’s maybe not realistic. Edit-I would delete that sentence but that seems like something HN frowns on so I’ll leave it as context. It really doesn’t matter much whether someone actually is strong/vulnerable if a predator is going to sneak attack them through any of a means of ways which may even be invisible to them ala toxic whispering. The problem is in people thinking it’s ok to predate on other people and doing so. |
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I'm sympathetic to the risks women run, but this isn't necessarily an issue with online dating, but just dating. "Online people" are just people.
The only real difference is that online dating allows you to have as many dates as you can handle, so if you do go on 7 days a week, you could very well have "a bunch of bad dates on Tinder" in just a month.
I think it's the approach people take that is problematic: meeting at a restaurant on a Friday evening and expecting everything (sex on one side and "payment" on the other). I have dates for lunch, coffee and for walks; zero expectations from either party, it works wonderfully and when it doesn't we just go our own merry ways.