[9530jh9054ven]

>The sad part is that it doesn't have to be this way. The notion that friendship is something you make time for (to the detriment of your other pursuits) seems to be very modern, very Western and an absolutely terrible idea.

Why wouldn't it though? Ultimately speaking time is a finite resource for an individual. If one's pursuits or responsibilities do not align with the pursuits of your friend, then why wouldn't one need pick between expending one's time with said friend vs other callings?

[AussieWog93]

I guess it makes more sense when you consider reciprocity.

Pouring your finite and valuable time into assisting a friend achieve their goals implies that they will, at least to some extent, help you with yours. It doesn't matter if they're aligned as long as you understand one another.

Whereas with the "let's catch up" friends, the implicit agreement is that by making you sacrifice for the relationship, you get the right to make them sacrifice.

I guess the latter is better than nothing, as it beats being alone, but an optimising brain leads one towards putting in minimum effort and letting the relationship decay to the point of just being alive.

[AmericanChopper]

I don’t think what you’re saying is necessarily wrong, but you’re simply not addressing the scarcity of time.

I have friends that I would do basically anything for, and they would do basically anything for me, and this has been proven many times over throughout our friendships. But being there when they need you (or vice versa) isn’t what constitutes most of the relationship, most of it just just normal friend activities. Additionally, the entirety of the time devoted to the relationship is time you cannot devote to something else, no matter how much benefit you derive from the friendship.

Time devoted to relationships with my friends has certainly dwindled a little for me over time. I’m still there for them if they need me, but I devote much less time to socialising with them, because there are simply too many other things in my life that take priority over that. Because again, not matter how positive and beneficial your friendships are, hanging out with your buddies simply isn’t going to take priority over the needs of your spouse/children/career very often.

[technothrasher]

I'm not sure I see the time spent with "let's catch up" friends as a sacrifice. I find it as a time to break out of my routine, get a fresh perspective on the things I'm doing, and offer the same to the friend I'm meeting. It's like a mini-vacation to go to dinner with someone I don't usually see.

The "always there to help" friends are valuable to me as well, but they're a larger part of my every day life, more like extended family, and so usually can't get me that "get out of my life and look back in" sort of interaction I can have with friends I have to break routine to go see.

[szundi]

I think the parent commenter actually answered your question why wouldn’t.