[idiotsecant]

>I am just the sort of person who does not want pity or charity. If I want help, I'll ask for it or do the hiring, thanks.

As someone who fights this same urge, you should know that this makes you appear as closed off and cold to people that you have no intention of being closed off and cold to.

You do this (I suspect) out of a deep seated fear of vulnerability. People pick up on the lack of vulnerability and will not see it as a virtue, but instead will see it as a kind of 'untrustworthiness' if that makes sense? The social contract is that you make yourself a bit vulnerable to other people as a show of trust, they make themselves a bit vulnerable back, and then you have a bond.

[SoftTalker]

You're probably not wrong, but it's who I am.

[idiotsecant]

I think most people would be surprised by how often 'it's who I am' really boils down to 'I am currently comfortable with this'. Changing the deep feedback loops that we call a personality is usually very difficult because so much of the human firmware runs on autopilot and resists conscious control but we are not static patterns - we can and do change constantly. Some changes are hard and some changes are easy but it's remarkable how much a small change can sometimes make a big impact in our lives.

[adave]

Then you better let people know that you love lawnmowing as a way of processing stuff. They will send you food or good wishes if you are not allergic to those.