[steve_adams_86]

I hear you. For a long time, this sort of connection to my roots (I grew up raising and eating meat with my family) and the desire for gratification was what kept me eating meat (and especially cooking – I love the cooking part).

Part of what drove me to make the change though was the realization that the gratification was superficial and fleeting, and not at all worth the harm I could see I was either causing or paying for. I think in part this decision was only possible because I do have the means to eat well as a vegan, I'd considered it for almost 5 years (!), and a few key factors in my personal values/philosophy somewhat conveniently fell into place. It's by no means a switch anyone can flick and just become a vegan.

I suppose, like you, I realized that I wasn't particularly happy (quite the opposite at times) and I needed to pursue something more deeply gratifying, or genuinely good for myself or others around me.

It's hard to do. I won't pretend I'm good at it. Take care of yourself though, and don't beat yourself up. Sticking to veganism is legitimately difficult for a lot of people, especially after a lifetime of eating meat. I'd say do what keeps you alive, focus on your health, make the change when you've got the energy and well-being on your side to do it right.