[PartiallyTyped]

I tried touching grass, but ... it felt meaningless, a waste even. I am standing where others have stood, doing the exact same thing, thinking the same thoughts, and then moving on. Have I contributed anything in any meaningful way?

[shaftoe]

You sound depressed. I speak from experience.

You're making the mistake of trying to rationalize a feeling. For non-depressed people, doing something that qualifies as "touching grass" brings joy, regardless of rationalization.

For you, it does not and your brain rationalizes it as pointless.

It helped me to realize feelings lead to rationalizations, not logic.

They next step is to consider why you're in this state and how best to proceed. I suggest trying exercise specifically to force endorphin release and revisit how this impacts your feelings as a reaction to the situation.

If you find yourself thinking different thoughts after something chemically impactful, like exercise, you've presented evidence that there's a deeper cause that you can't just rationalize away.

[PartiallyTyped]

> They next step is to consider why you're in this state and how best to proceed. I suggest trying exercise specifically to force endorphin release and revisit how this impacts your feelings as a reaction to the situation.

I think exercising is a good idea, I wanted to start running and lifting again.

> If you find yourself thinking different thoughts after something chemically impactful, like exercise, you've presented evidence that there's a deeper cause that you can't just rationalize away.

This is a good observation, thanks.

[throw_away_add2]

I come from a background similar to yours. Touching grass didn't work for me either when I was at the stage you're at. Therapy and antidepressants did work :)