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If your thoughts of suicide come back to you more and more frequently, see a therapist. As for your lack of motivation, remember what Chis Gardner (pursuit of happiness) said: - If other guys can do it, you can too. - The cavalerie is not coming. - Baby steps count too, as long as they are in the right direction. You want to truly become a good engineer/hacker. That's great. Now get to work, because the only thing that stands between you and your goal of becoming a great engineer is you and your self doubt. As you said, you have no excuses. But most importantly STOP feeling overwhelmed an inadequate and START accepting that the field of computer science is just HUGE. There are literally hundreds of programming languages, technologies, skill sets (front-end, web dev, DB etc.). Nobody masters all of them. And further, true mastery of a skill takes practice and therefore time. What you see on HN is an aggregate of the best of the best, a community where everyone chips in the best of their abilities. And that's why it is so great to read HN. Now, to get out of this whole, simply use divide and conquer. Pick one fundamental C.S. skill you want to learn (algorithms, data structures, OS/compilers etc.) and learn it really well. Dive really deep and try to not just watch videos on academic earth but do the homework, code the samples, build small projects around it. Once done, pick the next subject. Remember, it is better to complete one small thing, that to start 10 big ones. |