| > but you seem to have some misunderstanding about what ADHD is. It is not the inability to concentrate on things. It is the inability to concentrate on _appropriate_ things. I appreciate you taking the time to reply and clarify things but I would like to say I have a pretty good understanding of ADHD. As I have mentioned my son was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago. I go with him to every appointment and support groups we are in. I have spent dozens of hours with his doctor, psychologists, etc. to try and learn as much as possible about ADHD to support him as best I can and to ensure I can get the support he needs in school. My comment about the other family member not being able to concentrate on a crossword was more a summation of the issue not a specific example. He has always been an intelligent guy, he wasn't gifted nor did he need to push himself extra hard to succeed. He never had issues concentrating on "boring" tasks for all the time I have known him (30+ years at this point). Sure he was never super engaged with them (who would be?) but he didn't get lost in procrastination. What I mean is these are all very new things for him. Even for things he used to love such as games he cannot find the "mental energy" (as he puts it) to play. To begin with I put this down to his injury and while his hand will never be as good as it was he can use it "fine" for such things now. He just has no interest. No interest in anything. Basically all he wants to do is just sit on the computer and mindlessly consume. He stopped coding, stopped playing games, stopped reading, not taking his drone out, stopped doing some 3D stuff in Blender, stopped watching the kind of shows he used to love, etc. Pretty much the only thing he does still do that he did before is go to gigs. And perhaps this is unfair of me but I suspect that is because he always takes some drugs while there. What I mean is he had a large change in personality over the past two years since the attack, not just his executive functioning. Now it is very possible he always had ADHD but like many he managed to cope with it via systems he developed and perhaps the attack (or the pandemic) caused those systems to fail him and maybe just medication will help him. My worry is that he has some other issues and for one reason or another he convinced himself it is ADHD and only ADHD. This is a concern his wife also shares and we have discussed. When she has suggested therapy he dismisses it as "not something that works for him" (even though he has never actually had any to validate that claim). It is a tricky subject and he is now sure he is "fixed" as his concentration is indeed better as he is taking some kind of amphetamine 4 times a day, however his wife has told me there is no improvement in any other areas which she is worried will lead to a crash at some point. |
The energy level in childhood, brain development, behavioral expectations in school, and everything else is very different. I'm old enough that ADD (now ADHD) wasn't really a thing when I was growing up. People had to learn to manage, without medication. Doing it with medication is different, but being a functioning adult is not the same, and the same knowledge should not applied.
Everything you are saying is from an outside point of view. He sounds depressed, but he went through a traumatic incident. That doesn't mean he cannot have both.
It's not even a little surprising that he had a change in personality. You sound extremely judgmental, to be honest. Your friend went through trauma. He may not have PTSD (that word is used a bit too freely these days), but it was a traumatic experience which sounds like it literally crippled his ability to do half of the things your'e saying he doesn't "want" to do.
He suffered "life long damage to his dominant hand". The hand he presumably uses to help fly the drone, to play music, to use the controller playing games, to use the mouse in Blender (maybe). It may be painful constantly, especially if the rehab/physio was hard to manage during lockdown. You would also have a "large change in personality".
There isn't a lot of psychiatric care which can be done in isolation. People who have ADHD/ASD are also more likely to be depressed, but you can't "root cause" this to a single issue, and saying "well, he's depressed/has trauma, so he should deal with that" doesn't mean he does not also have ADHD.
He is trying to tell himself to "fake it until he makes it" after a traumatic experience, and he does not want to relive the trauma in therapy, he does not want to risk whatever potential side effects from antidepressants.
He is trying to accept that this is his life now. This life of lifelong damage in his dominant hand which has forever put the thing he loves out of his reach, and _maybe_ dragging him out of the house to do new things would introduce him to something new he loves which does not remind him of the life he cannot have anymore. _Maybe_ doing that instead of gossiping with his wife about it and wondering why he no longer does his old hobbies would help.
It sounds as if he is living in limbo between a life he lost and finding new fulfillment. The thing about very traumatic experiences as an adult is that the medication he is currently on (and again, which he probably needs) has made his life somewhat bearable again. He doesn't sound happy, and he doesn't sound like he knows what will make him happy, but the current state of things is so much better than it was two years ago that he doesn't think it's bad, or he worries that making more changes would make it worse again.
Be your friend's friend instead of whatever you're doing now. Monday morning psychiatrist on HackerNews is definitely not.