[gregjor]

To start, don't think in terms of "building a social circle," that sounds like a chore or an experiment. You want to meet more people so you can make friends. You do that organically, by putting yourself in situations where you might meet someone you like. Those situations depend on your age, interests, and the place you live.

If you have trouble meeting people or maintaining a friendship you might want to get therapy. Or try joining Toastmasters to get over shyness. Don't worry about meeting people just like you, with the same interests ("like-minded weirdos"). You get over shyness by imagining a not-shy version of yourself and acting that out. After a while that becomes second nature.

Act like a good friend, show concern for your friends, make time for them. Don't do everything over social media. Use your phone to call people to maintain connections. Try hobbies and activities that will put you in group situations. Laugh and have fun, try new things.

[dontbenebby]

>If you have trouble meeting people or maintaining a friendship you might want to get therapy.

I actually disagree, I worry that we don't do a good job of getting folks OUT of therapy -- then they're forever stuck in this coercive loop where someone is baswically paid to be the person they call when they have a dispute with the police or whatever. (Unless you want to take an extremely liberal view of therapy and argue whoever is selling you the weed and not calling it in between pickups is your "therapist", but that's a bit much imho)

Pretty much every mental health issue I've had stems from folks who tend to move from city to city interacting with me differently than they would someone who was... "from here" when I was debating career paths and floundering in undergrad after a transfer.

The current trend seems to be CBT -- set some goals, and go in each week to talk about them.

I don't know what to do when my "goals" are things like "reoccuring income, and vendors who don't go out of business because they couldn't handle treating someone like a peer" and "a weed card, or take it recreational, it helps a lot".

(I've had a string of folks treat getting one like... a reward or something... to almost a bdsm-like degree -- when I've had a diagnosis of Asperger's or autistic spectrum disorder since the late 90s? I'm not even sure if I'll renew the card, I might travel for a year or two like I wanted to in 2016 and let them riot some more)

For context, just before COVID, I got out of a domestic violence sitution in the suburbs of my city, then got laid off.

The city I'm in had a riot outside the mayor's house, then got a new one, and apparently is currently staffing something called a "citizen's police review board"? I was at a bus stop yesterday trying to call my city councilor but there's no one currently in that office apparently? Same day, for the first time in ages, that bus (which comes only every 30 to 60) just blows on by me and the other person waiting for it.

Anyways sorry to ramble -- I'm unemployed, and it's Saturday, so I'm in a... creative spirit.

To put it short: I'd focus on getting exercise everyday OP -- then just... treat people like you'd want to be treated, and be mindful sometimes folks with have a "OK, I sold you your espresso or notebook or whatever, now go away so I can go on the internet to". Pick an errand. Go get a coffee or something. (And to do that you'll need to... take a shower, and put on clothes etc). And then just don't rush it.

Trust is earned and that takes time, rushing that or being algorithmic will weird people out.

(And be mindful people usually have a small number of actual friends -- those are CONNECTIONS on social media.)

[gregjor]

Well, thanks for sharing.

For someone inhibited by shyness, social anxiety, fear of rejection, or poor conversational skills a few sessions with a therapist, coach, or even Toastmasters can help. I didn't mean years of psychotherapy or medications. I went through CBT for about a year to learn to deal with obsessive-compulsive disorder. You don't necessarily "set some goals and go in each week to talk about them." You learn to recognize the triggers and maladaptive behaviors and then control your reactions. That can work for shyness and social anxiety as well as for OCD, phobias, and anger problems. Learning that you can control and change behaviors may seem obvious, but I think many people go through life calling themselves shy, introverted, unsocial without considering they can change those behaviors.