[dkiok21k]

I have been and I am still dealing with intrusive thoughts for the past year. I am still unable to talk about most of them or recall them voluntarily - only the rough circumstances, but not the actual situation(s). For the first months after the event, I was unable to drive a car or a bike because the thoughts come with body reactions: muscle spasms, blurred vision, loss of hearing, etc. It is still somewhat dangerous for me to drive because my hands or feet can suddenly cramp and I am unable to release. Intrusions can happen suddenly and without a trigger. Most of my intrusions now come with no "attached memory" at all, just emotions and very painful body reactions. I am still mostly unable to participate in "ordinary life" because you have a lot of situations where you don't want to have that happen around other people, because their reactions will really not help you "feel safe", which then contributes to retraumatization.

I still have this multiple times, every day, even with 2-3x therapy per week since a year.

This is nothing like "recalling a memory". Also, since I am unable to clearly express what I have witnessed/experienced, talking to "ordinary people" (e.g. most my friends) about it is mostly met with reactions that really don't help at all.