[atrandom]

Like others said - find a therapist. See if your work has a mental health plan, like modernhealth or it's ilk. It takes some time to find the right therapist and it can be hard to make time in the routine to see one. The good thing is that therapy can be done online. (it's not idea, but during the pandemic it became clear that it can be effective).

Don't wait, start somewhere. The therapist can help you distill what changes you can make in your life to get to a better place.