[js4]

Are you exercising? If not get out for a walk/hike or run every day to help you refresh.

I know with kids/marriage/etc this can be hard to do but I (someone in a similar situation) find that an hour of exercise every day makes all the difference in the world.

[icosa]

Exercise helps because it completes the stress cycle[1]. When burnt out it can be hard to find time, so try one of these and see if they help:

* High intensity intervals. Do 2 minutes of light intensity cardio as warm up. Then alternate 20 seconds at top effort with 10 seconds of rest. 10 cycles of this will only take you 5 minutes. You should be out of breath by the end. * Faster version of yoga woodchopper pose[2]. Stand with feet apart and knees slightly bent. Clasp hands and raise above head. Bend knees and bring your hands down while you exhale with a loud "Ha!" Do it slow a few times for warm up, then do it fast and imagine your hands crushing a stressor at the bottom. Yell if it won't disturb the neighbors. * Tense your whole body for 20 seconds, then slowly exhale and release the tension. While tensing, imagine either beating up or successfully running away from something that is stressing you out.

[1] https://www.feministsurvivalproject.com/episodes/episode-02-... [2] https://youtube.com/watch?v=u1HjZ49xAPc

[ohlookwhatsthat]

Thanks for the tips, I’ll try these!

[28304283409234]

Read or listen to Peter Levine: the Tiger Awakens.

[philote]

> an hour of exercise every day I don't disagree, but trying to make room for an hour of time every day can be very hard depending on your situation, especially at first. I'd say do 30 min 3 days a week to start with. It'll help and won't be so much time that you feel even more stressed for taking time that isn't immediately "productive".

[ohlookwhatsthat]

Exactly this :( time is a killer. My day usually starts around 6.30 and ends when the kids go to sleep around 20:00 at which time all I can think about is crawling into bed by 10 to do it all again the next day

[philote]

Well I know exactly where you're coming from then. I'm in a very similar situation to yours where the past two jobs I had burned me out. Now I'm in a new position (same as you, 4 months in) and it's much better, yet I still have trouble doing my work. And by better, I mean I'm learning new things and there's less pressure. Unfortunately, some things at this company are disorganized and I constantly hit roadblocks which kills my motivation.

So I'm just trying to trudge along and progress when and where I can, and try my best to get my work done. I'm fortunately working from home, so no commute to add to the burnout. I've also not had a decent vacation in years. I did take two weeks off between my last job and this one, but that was mainly to catch up around the house. I tried to negotiate vacation time at this position, but they refused, which means I'm slowly accruing PTO. I'm hoping by April I'll have enough to take two weeks off and go somewhere nice.

I'm not sure I have advice that others haven't given. But it can get better. Rely on your wife or family if you can to help with the kids and house, and push them for help if need be. Find a therapist if you think that could help. Make sure to keep work and life separate as much as you can. Meaning be sure to unplug from work when you're home, and to have as few distractions from home while working. If you do find yourself getting distracted at work, see if you can walk away for a bit (even literally go for a short walk). Also, rely on your coworkers to help you. Ask, even nag, them for assistance if you get stuck. Try to make friends at work, and maybe push for fun, team-building events if that doesn't currently happen. I think showing you're trying will be big if your boss thinks productivity isn't where it should be.

Good luck!

[ohlookwhatsthat]

I’ll be honest I just can’t find the motivation to do so. Even when I’m not so tired I feel guilty about leaving the kids to my wife etc and when I’m out I tend to rush back to support/take over. I know this is probably an issue with how I view this and not necessarily because I’m made to feel guilty.

[28304283409234]

Learn to acknowledge the guilt but not give into it. Do this by feeling the guilt, and postpone any action towards it. If only for a few seconds. Turn that second into minutes. Minutes into hours.

Your guilt is false. Your kids will be fine. Your wife will be fine.

Communicate with your wife that this is what you are going to do. And continually how it is going.