[ngrost24]

Personally, when I've been burned out, the cause hasn't been a single factor and it was gradual. Not sure if this was mentioned in the prior comments, but imo the first person that you should discuss this with is your wife and depending on how close you are, the rest of your support system (friends, other family). E.g. wife might agree to take over some larger load, look after the kids instead of you for larger period of time, provide you more space or not nag you for some projects that you were supposed to do. The point is for them to provide support and to allow you to gradually get out of the burn out. From my point of view, burn out is not a binary state and by alleviating some factors you can have a bigger recharge than what you spend. If you do any changes, try to be aware if you seeing any improvements and if not consider more drastic changes. I wouldn't talk about this with my boss, unless the rest of the changes is not working.

[ohlookwhatsthat]

Whilst I agree fully with you that having a partner take over some of the tasks (kids, etc) she is unable/unwilling to. Net result after speaking to her about burning out, nothing changed, I’m still doing all of the same things I was before and have no way to unload anything. Which makes me question why I’m married and if I should continue to be.

[ngrost24]

Agree with a comment that said to throw money at the problem, babysitter or whatever. It helps _if_ money is not a big problem. I used to be a lot more careful with money but since kids, I timebox the amount of time I spend on any thing that I need to spend money even if the end result means I'm leaving some more money on the table. Peace of mind is the ultimate goal.

Identify things that are really important to you (almost at a ruthless level), and shortcut/ignore the rest. This means prioritizing also time to relax (walk, read a book, meditate or whatever you do to relax) even if there are other things/chores that are in queue. Accept that some things will be delayed or not be done in the next few months until you get back to your footing. Recognize that during burnout, your efficiency is 50%, so reduce your load accordingly.

A comment I read a while ago in HN is "don't be the person that cares the most about things". While I don't think it applies to all issues, I apply it to some things. Try to apply the 80/20 (20% effort for 80% of work done) Personally, during burnout, I've gone almost in survival mode. I completely cut alcohol (even beer), soft drinks, etc, try to sleep well, and try to exercise (or walk) just because it improves my energy levels. If small kids that require lots of attention, consider babysitter, kindergarden or take them to the park (if there's one close by) during the time you are in charge. Personally I find that kids require less effort/energy outdoors. Youtube videos are also useful in a pinch (see "super simple songs" or "cocomelon" which have 1hr long videos)... try not to let them see more than 1-2hrs per day.

Regarding wife, when you're burned out, things look more pessimistic and you're less likely to let something slide. Maybe she's also overwhelmed and/or burned out and/or in "ruthless/survivor" mode. See if there are things that she's doing that can be delegated through money (order food instead of cooking, get someone to help clean/laundry, etc). If she gets some time back, she might be more able/willing to help with the load. Recognize that priorities are not the same, I personally don't care much about cleaning but my wife does. Try to always communicate...

Remember that if your burnout gets worse, it will be worse not only for you but also for your family ... All said, I'm just someone on the internet that doesn't know much about your situation, so take everything with a grain of salt.

[28304283409234]

Get a babysitter asap. Dad of two speaking here. Do it. Day care. Throw money at the problem. Get breathing room.

Your prime directive is to take care of YOU, since YOU are needed to be able to take care of the rest.

[28304283409234]

Also: start seeing couples therapist. Learn about personal boundaries (boundary boss podcast and book).

Learn about co-dependency.