[pochekailov]

Would you go to a pub with me?

Would you listen to me ranting about evil nimbyists preventing any form of urban development and thus blocking economic growth?

Would you call me asking me to help you with an unexpected problem?

Can I stop by your place just to hang out a bit, without any particular reason?

Would you pick me up from an airport tomorrow if I ask you to?

Will I come to you if I have a wild business idea? Or will you come to me to brag about your recent promotion?

No, we are not friends. We don't even know each other. You need to spend some time with a person for at least couple of hours a day for about half a year to become friends.

[gernb]

> You need to spend some time with a person for at least couple of hours a day for about half a year to become friends

The only place this would happen for me is work. But that's no longer possible because all my coworkers at my new job are WFH.

It happened in school and college, after that it's only ever happened at work that I spend "a couple of hours a day for about half a year" with anyone.

Even if joined some kind of club, that would be either a couple of hours a month or at best, a couple of hours a week, not a couple of hours a day.

[pochekailov]

I agree, I have the same observation. I am also working solo and I am struggling to find new meaningful connections.

[augustuspolius]

Another way to become friends is to experience something extraordinary together. In fact, for me this is way more effective than spending several hours a day with a colleague in the same room.

Traveling brings people closer (that could be arranged through meetups), doing intense social work (also possible through meetups)...

[nicbou]

A few hours a week is plenty! So long as you are spending quality time together, you're bound to get closer.

[jesuscript]

Half the things you listed would destroy the fragile friendship. Think of ways of preserving it, however weak the bond.

I’ll read your posts on HN and upvote you, how’s that, and thoughtfully reply.

[Macha]

If it's that fragile, then is it a friendship? It's more of an acquaintance, except on HN we don't know who you are.

We probably don't know your name, so I don't even know it counts as an acquaintance, unless you're famous externally and have linked that to your HN username, or have used it as your name. And even then we know it in the same way as a roll call in a crowded lecture room or business meeting, and not as the individual.

I think classic online forums did provide scope for building up social connections, but I think the Reddit-inspired social news sites, including HN, simply do not.

[ehnto]

I think part of the reason behind such frail friendships is that, thanks to social media, and parasocial relationships with online personalities, like YouTubers and Twitch streamers, many might feel they are participating in a social group or experiencing social situations already. The reality is that most often in the new online social world, you are a consumer of the relationship but not actually a participant.

With that safety net, someone has to first accept a level of risk they don't currently need to, and they also have to meet that same risk barrier for someone else. So people are unwittingly trading more two sided, genuine social interactions, for shallow, one sided interactions.

[zdragnar]

That is, at best, an ephemeral acquaintance. I would have no problem doing anything on that list with my actual friends. Well, except for going to a pub- all of my friends are sober. If I had a friend who went to pubs, I'd go with them though.

[api]

> Would you go to a pub with me?

My answer to that one is yes for most people on this site. :)

[simonsarris]

My friend we're in the pub right now