[codingdave]

> is it even realistic to have a 9-5 kind of structure

Yes, but it is worth nothing that is not the same question as to whether you can have a structured work day. I work in about 4 short shifts: A couple hours before my family wakes up, a few hours after kid get to school until our daily standup (which is at my lunch time due to time zones), a couple hours after lunch until kids get home, and a brief check-in before bed to see what my westernmost colleagues have done and review their PRs.

So I work 8 hours a day, structured, but spread over about 14 hours. And actually spend more time with my family than I would working "9-5" because I structure my times off when they are around.