[deadbeef57]

> Choose a good and kind trustworthy woman who you think would be a good mother. Make sure you bring the same things to the party. You don't need a perfect relationship. There are many women out there in exactly the same boat as you. Don't spend years not finding the perfect person. Find a good person on the same wavelength, get on the job.

To raise kids (in a responsible good manner), you need a long-lasting stable relationship with parents that are trustworthy and on the same wavelength.

OP is currently in a relationship with his wife whom he loves dearly. But regarding kids they don't seem to be on the same wavelength (on one particular topic, they probably agree on many other things), because he regrets decisions they made in the past.

Why will his situation improve by giving up the relationship and becoming less trustworthy? 5 years down the roads, in a new relationship, he or his new wife will decide their wavelengths changed, and it's time to look for someone else. And then 2 small kids will have to cope with the fall-out.

Divorcing someone you love, with the intents of starting a stable relationship with someone else is self-deceit. Kids deserve better than that.

[andrewstuart]

>> To raise kids (in a responsible good manner), you need a long-lasting stable relationship with parents that are trustworthy and on the same wavelength.

Well it would be ideal but lots of kids have separated parents.

What is important is not that the parents are together, but that everyone is safe, the kids are loved, the parents are respectful towards one another. The greater the kindness and cooperation between separated parents, the better it is for kids.

Critically important is that the kids are not exposed to conflict between parents.

If you can get all that right then even kids with separated parents can be pretty happy I think.

[nerdawson]

However harmonious the relationship following the split, it’s still damaging for children in that situation.

It may be increasingly common and I’d agree it’s better to separate than stay together for the kids but I do believe it has a lasting impact. It’ll affect the way they see relationships for the rest of their lives.

It’s selfish for people in their late 30s / early 40s to rush into having a family because they’re worried the window will close.

[maerF0x0]

> you need a long-lasting stable relationship with parents that are trustworthy and on the same wavelength.

Also this is an extremely western centric mindset. iirc the literature indicates that having 2 responsible well caring adults is a much better goal. That could simply be an Uncle and Grandma. If OP has a community/network of good people then it's ok if He/Wifey are not perfect.