[SirChainsaw]

Firstly, you mustn't ever hate yourself when you feel you've failed. Alcohol is a crazy powerful mind altering drug. Be kind to yourself. It's seriously hard to quit for some people.

It's really positive that you seem to have recognised some patterns and that you have a desire to quit for good. It's also good that you don't seem to be physically dependant on it after your weekend 12 packs.

What worked for me after ~8 years of increasingly deep alcoholism that started with weekend bingeing, ~2 years of trying to get sober, and now 18 months clean was two simple things:

1. Accountability of some sort. For me it was to my mother, but it could be to anyone or anything. Just someone or something you respect or that you hold dear.

2. A simple therapist. My therapist is a general therapist, not a specialised addiction counsellor. I'd tried AA, SMART, and 2 stints in rehab...nothing stuck until I just started talking to a therapist. Just talking, and slowly but surely breaking down my thought processes around life/love/relationships/work etc and I started to truly and fundamentally understand myself better and why I was drinking. Then is was so much easier to not pick up a drink. It's the best £50/week I've ever spent and I still go weekly.

Anyways, every one is different and that's just what worked for me, I wish you the absolute best. You've got this!