[Siddarth1977]

I hope this was a joke, but if not, this is not good advice for most people.

Having kids does not solve substance abuse issues, mental health issues, relationship issues or any similar problems. People may believe that having kids will fix whatever problem they're facing, but instead find that it just adds tremendous amounts of stress, burden and additional hardship on them.

[eyelidlessness]

I don’t think it’s a joke but I think it’s a perspective some people have when becoming a parent guides them to make better choices than they would have otherwise. My upbringing more closely (exactly) resembles what you warn. I’ll never have human children partly because of this experience, but I’m delighted that the experience of having a pup the past three years has brought out the instincts in me that I think a lot of people describe about human parenting in these discussions. I’m a kinder and more forgiving and more generous person because of the bond with my pup. I’m not just more open to joyful experiences, I’m more inclined to seek them out so I can enrich my pup’s life.

But you’re right, this isn’t a substitute for any improvement of any other serious issues in my life. It’s a positive relationship which helps me navigate those serious issues better, but it isn’t a solution. When my mental health is in bad shape, it can deteriorate the relationship the same way it does with my friends.

I agree but don’t want to emphatically agree with your point, because finding actual positive bonds whatever they are is part of how people stop reproducing negative cycles for themselves. It’s not enough, but it’s not always inherently selfish and negative either.