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Maybe I am in a nostalgic / sad mood but your thread is inspiring me. As many stated, I don't regret much, it pretty much doesn't belong to my vocabulary. I have made choices with a state of mind, a state of knowledge and a context that explains them. Now I have matured, relieving a moment with 40 years more of experience is not available on the market. Though this thread could be a trigger for some people in similar moment of their lives. A few keys things that define me, why they are not purely made of happy consequences, why they also had to happen. Relationship: my first relationship lasted a super long time. My now ex is a good friend. Though I feel I have skipped on some of my fun time, and I actually broke up because I had to drink from this carpe diem cup. We are still friends, it doesn't help with whatever relationships come after. It feels I am a bit living my life backward. But at that time, this person was the first one that made me feel good / worth loving. And I think that she enabled me to achieve a pretty good high school / university time ... I think I wouldn't have been able to hold without her. Self knowledge: unfortunately when I read about all your abusive relationships I am scared I am the asshole in them. Anger issues, obsessiveness, no violence but I definitely brought down people I loved in discussions in the past. I have spent a lot of time depressed without knowing it. It took me a shitload of time to aknowledge it and claw back. My key elements have been: doing sport and having a rythm were going to bed at 1am for work everynight is not ok. Seeking help was also a smart thing to do. It took me a shitload of time to figure that. I have destroyed my second relationship by letting work putting me on edge all the time. Positive spin: I think I am decently good at my I do, I think I overinvested but got some payback in skills. I am still struggling with anger issues and not beeing a dick... Work: younger, someone close in my family told me "go work for a big company you have all the time in the world to start something it will give you money and credentials". I didn't, because nobody in my family really hit the jackpot starting to work for a big one, because not the same times, not the same social background. I had constructed a logic to explain why I would be better starting my own stuffasap. And starting a company in a country that doesn't value risk, has no investors, no mentors... I basically failed for ten years on different projects. Damn I must be somehow resilient or loving the loser game. It was tough, I think that's one of the thing that brought me down (above paragraph), me and my business partner. And I keep seeing this guy I know, he did an internship for a major company, and everytime I hear about him and his projects "he must be good, he has been at X". Now I think I am at a quarter of where I thought I would be at 23 when I was 20, but I have a company that works well and I have learnt a shit load. |