[mikrl]

How do you define good therapist? Obviously it’s not straightforward and YMMV, but are there heuristics you use, red flags, green flags etc?

My friend has avoided mental healthcare for her entire life (pathologically stoic) and thinks that she shouldn’t but feels out of her depth.

[daggersandscars]

In my experience, finding a good therapist depends on establishing a good rapport in a short period of time. To help the odds, I find looking at therapists' profiles[0] for what one finds important helps.

LGBTQ+? Religious? Strongly religious? Polyamorous? An athlete? Willing/unwilling to take medications? Drug use? Etc.

Anything you do not want to be a part of your therapy is something to check profiles for.

If you are a part of a group, talk to local members of that group on-line or in person. They likely will have inside information on what therapists are considered friendly.

I'd also read up on the different types/styles of therapists/therapy. You may find you're fine with any of them. You may find some of them horrifying. This info is likely to be on their profile.

Edited to add:

Go in with an idea of what you want out of therapy. If you're not sure, you can talk to the therapist about what's possible. Do you want coping strategies / a change in behavior / someone to talk to / someone to help determine why you're depressed / etc?

If it isn't working with a therapist, you can pick a different one. It may be worth talking to the current one about what's not working for you, but you always have the right to see someone else.

[0] Searching the web for the therapist's name and location is a good place to start. If you have insurance, insurance profiles may also provide information.

[mikrl]

>Go in with an idea of what you want out of therapy.

My friend struggles with this. She feels mostly comfortable with being odd and feels like she is successful. It’s easy enough to avoid (or mask up with) people who don’t or won’t understand. At the worst, there is an awkward interaction that can be cut short. Sometimes she has bad spells but bounces back OK.

Perhaps therapy isn’t for her after all. There are worse off people in this world who would benefit more.

[dnfa]

Honestly just chose one at random and ended up building trust with them because they were professional and academic. I kept going back because it was interesting to me to talk about my experience and have them weigh in with what the DSM says, what academics are saying, etc.