Ask HN: Hacker wannabe demotivated & depressed in need of help

[throwaway122011]

Hello HN,

I have been stuck in the Java enterprise world for the past 5 years and I believe I have lost my passion and the ability to learn new things.

I dream of working at a startup and contributing to open source working with cool technologies like rails, python, clojure, node, android...etc having a github repo full of interesting projects and being part of a community of passionate coders, however whenever I try to teach myself any of these technologies I keep failing and getting frustrated as soon as I hit a wall, I didn't used to be like this but now everything seems too hard! I keep looking at people's githubs and seeing thousands of hackers around the world with so much projects and technologies and I feel like an idiot, I feel like I will never be like them, I feel like I am stuck being a worthless developer for the rest of my life, this has made me depressed and demotivated, I really feel like a failure and I just don't know what else to do...

Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a hacker, maybe I lack or lost the hacker mentality...maybe I should just switch careers and become something else...I feel worthless and stupid but for the past few years my dream has been to become a top notch developer,I have tried "building things" but I never know what to build and as soon as I get an idea everything seems too hard to implement and I loose motivation, this has been building up for the past few years and now I feel depressed and hopeless...

What should I do HN? Sometimes I feel what I really need is a mentor but I keep thinking if I can't help myself then who can? I am desperate HN I am willing to do anything to get out of this hole I have put myself in...but I really need some advice to help me get up again.

[newobj]

My first program was

10 PRINT HELLO

20 GOTO 10

My second program was

10 INPUT $A

20 PRINT "HELLO, "$A

30 GOTO 10

And so on and so forth.

I worked in total isolation (this was well pre-Internet, the early 80's, and none of my friends had computers), so I was oblivious to how big the hill to climb was. Because every step was interesting as I discovered it, and all I was concerned with was taking the next step.

Don't look at the finish line and don't look around, look down at your feet and be satisfied with each stride. Eventually you will have gone a great distance.

[sixtofour]

I can think of a couple ways to approach this.

1. Pick a very small project, something useful to you but borderline under-ambitious. Anything that bugs you. Nothing that you would necessarily point proudly to on github; don't be thinking about github. I'm talking small, maybe even just a simple command line utility, or not much more. Implement it. Don't give up, learn it. Improve it. Pick another small project. Another. A slightly bigger one. What you're trying to do here is to get a giant heavy flywheel moving, but it's going to take some time before it's really spinning. Once it's spinning fast it will almost sustain itself and you won't have enough time in the day to implement all your ideas.

2. If you can't think of any small thing to build (hard to believe, but OK), then poke around for some technology that you'd like to learn, that has good documentation, and start going through its tutorials and documentation. Learn as much as you can about it. At some point you'll start to get ideas about things you can build. Start building them. It doesn't have to be an OSS project, it can just be your own if you want. At this stage it's more important that you get that flywheel spinning any way you can.

N. Don't give up.

[vermasque]

What are these walls that you hit? Is the problem too hard to solve with your amount of experience or something else? Perhaps you should explore why the walls happen.

On finding something to build, it can be tough. You have to keep thinking about things that scratch an itch of yours but are also practical to build. For the longest time, I used to think and even plan out ideas that really seemed to be like science fair projects: 2D drawing using contour maps to design 3D structures like for game design, an app to tell me how to fit a bunch of boxes optimally into a truck/van, a form creator (an ultimate GUI over DB to replace many GUI-over-DB apps). The problem is that I wouldn't use any of these for my own needs because I don't need these things. And I didn't know anyone who actually needed this stuff and could use it if I built it. Find something that scratches an itch. Do you need something but all the existing tools aren't quite right? Go for it. And don't worry about using "cool" tech to get it done. If Clojure can be used to solve the problem and you really want to learn it, great. If not, then stick to what you know but focus on getting the problem solved and building something of value to you.

Perhaps a new job might give you a fresh environment, a change of pace, or something different to learn during work. That could be used to stimulate more or different learning on the side.

As far as feeling depressed when you see hackers who have done a ton of stuff, I imagine everyone looks at someone who has done more than them and wonders the same. What matters is that you do more than what you are currently doing. There are times that I wish I had started sooner on things or been more passionate about things. I can't change the past now. But I can change the future.

[srl]

> I have tried "building things" but I never know what to build and as soon as I get an idea everything seems too hard to implement and I loose motivation

Heh. You know all those developers who have all those github repos? _So many_ github repos! Quite frequently, half or more are abandoned projects that never came to anything, that [s]he didn't have the guts to delete. (I am no exception.) So don't feel too bad about that.

I'm not in a position to offer any career advice (being still stuck in the Java college world), but I'll say this with regards to trying to find something to build: don't look at it that way. I spent years going from project to project, never really caring, just trying to get involved in some open source project for the sake of getting involved. It doesn't work.

The adage that "the best hacks come from scratching an itch" is quite true, and important. If you want to make software that others will find useful, you have to put yourself in a position to need that same software yourself. That happened to me when I resolved (for other, more RMS-like reasons) to use only open-source software. All of a sudden, every time something irked my, I thought, "I can fix that!" And about 5% of the time, I actually could :P

You'll have to find what works for you, but basically, I'd advise this: focus on your own computer and what you want to do. Switch to an open-source, hackable OS and use, as much as possible, open-source, hackable software. Then try to get your computer to respond quickly, not use much RAM, be fancy - whatever you want to optimize for. That desire to have "the perfect setup", at least in my case, motivated further endeavors.

Best of luck.

(Edit: and feel free to contact me - I'm always happy to help out a growing hacker, though I'm not sure what I have to offer.)

[pheelicks]

You say that you start "building things" but can never finish. This is normal, we all do it - we start coding on something, it's totally awesome for a couple of hours and then when we come back to it the next day we can't be bothered.

Perseverance is hard, but there's no shortcut around this. To make yourself feel worthwhile & motivated you will just have to finish something. It doesn't have to be the next facebook etc... just get something done.

If you can't thin of ideas, ask people around you what they'd like to have in their life.

You mention Android as a tech you'd like to learn. Surely you know someone with an Android phone. Ask them what they'd like you to build and then build it. Do not stop until they are happy.

Doing this is well within your reach, you know Java - and there is a wealth of info on the net.

[FameofLight]

I have one advice.

Cause of Problem ( Let me know in comment if this doesn't apply to you ) We get depressed because of lots of hopes and expectation, the main we are looking is getting to end as fast as possible, without enjoying the process in itself.We are looking for goals ignoring the values and process it takes. I tell you process and value is more important than the end goal. The main function of goal is what you become.

The simplest advice is keep grounded in action. Start small , do small action and build upon the small steps to bigger ladder.

You are feeling depressed because all the while you have said to yourself you are great hacker and when you start something you are not able to complete it, hence the spiral of de-motivation. Focus on action and work, eveything else is secondary.

[iradik]

Since one of your complaints is you don't know what problem to solve, one thing I might suggest is to try doing puzzles / challenges... They are much less daunting than trying to define a big project.

This is a great book filled with such puzzles and advice: http://www.programming-challenges.com/pg.php?page=index

Pick a problem and try to solve it. Then you can submit it to a robot judge and get immediate feedback.

There's a lot of pros here: can just do it anytime (commit 1 hr per day to working on a puzzle), can try different puzzles, learn about algorithms, get immediate feedback, and become a better coder!

Keep a git repo of all your solutions... so you can keep track of your progress.

[clyfe]

You are probably stressed at work, and miss flow http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology) or what programmers call "not being in the zone".

Find a significant chunk of time, like a free Saturday. Make sure it's quiet and you cannot be disturbed. Set a manageable toy goal - easy enough that you can do it, but let it be a bit challanging to keep things interesting. Build it! That should give you a nice push forward.

PS. You could also find interesting questions on StackOverflow - many times they offer a bit of challenge, and you can cherry-pick issues in your comfort zone, also helps you practice writing.

Also, have a break from work! Cut the stress.

[drx]

I'm a bit late to the topic, so quite possibly you've moved on, but

> I keep failing and getting frustrated as soon as I hit a wall, I didn't used to be like this but now everything seems too hard

> depressed and demotivated

Just one of many possibilities, but you could have a neurological disorder ("I didn't used to be like this" and depression, no motivation). Go to a decent doctor and get checked for a bunch of things. Could be something treatable like vitamin deficiency.

In any case, feel free to ping me, emails in my profile.

[jjm]

What I learned is you need time, and dedication. Slowly work on one project or OSS contribution... in time they'll grow.

There are many devs that work with OSS full-time, creating and allowed to create new tools daily. Then with their free time they add even more! Keep this in mind.

There is nothing wrong with creating/contributing what you can, when you can, on the side with your free time.

[hugo31370]

Do not quit!!! It's all about your comfort zone. Getting out of it is a daunting task. What you feel is not new. You need 1. assume you're going to struggle getting out of your comfort zone, and 2. find small tasks that can help you transition to a new stage.

Just don't quit! I'm happy to chat about it. If you want just shoot me an email.

[infinite_snoop]

You already know Java so you have a huge stepping stone into the Android world, buy a book and work through the examples and then start your own project, start small as other people have suggested. It's hugely satisfying watching your app being downloaded and used!

[andrewhillman]

I suggest you try to work through whatever you previously started. If you hit a wall, ask questions on stackoverflow. No question is dumb. Ask for help and you shall receive. I assume you started working on something of interest... so this is a start.

[iSloth]

You need to pick a small project and most importantly finish it, then pick a bigger on, then a bigger one...

If you never finish a project then your always going to be depressed :)

[thiagofm]

Let's build something some of your ideas(the hardest preferably) in node, contact is in the profile.

I can teach you some node also. Let's hack something.